(The first of many Training camp blogs)
You know those week long vacations filled with adventure?
Trying new things, like…
Sight seeing beautiful landscape and mountains.
Standing on mountain peaks and overlooking the world below you, feeling free and alive maybe for the very first time.
Dancing.
Bungee jumping from a cliff into deep water or walk on burning coals… maybe?
(I guess that's my idea of adventure…) but, do you know what I'm talking about?
That was my week.
God made me feel and see adventure in everything we did together.
I tried new things that tapped into the Spirit in me, it expanded my view of who He is and pushed me into a whole new level of relationship with Him.
I saw the church in her true colors and she was described in three words: real, broken and raw.
I stood on what felt like the mountain peak, I spread out my arms, and said "LETS DO THIS," I felt freedom in the Spirit that I've never experienced before.
I felt ALIVE.
I DANCED before the Lord and didn't care what anyone thought of me.
I jumped out of my comfort zone and dove into the Water of the Lord and went deep.
I walked on coals of fire and allowed myself to grieve over things I thought I had already dealt with.
I fully let myself feel, it hurt, but when I got to the end of my grieving, I found even more freedom and then when I thought it was all over, God gave me a giant high five and said, "lets do it again."
At training week I learned God didn't just want to be a part of my life. He wanted to be my life.
The more that I process, the more I realize how small my God box was. I can only imagine how uncomfortable He must have felt. He didn't want to be in there, but I didn't want him to be anywhere else. I didn't want Him to do supernatural things in and through me because, I didn't want to step out in faith, Him not show up, and then me looking like an idiot.
But I chose to let Him out of His box.
I allowed God into my mind for the first time. I allowed Him to creatively paint pictures for me and give me words on what they meant. I allowed Him to take control of my entire body and be completely filled with His spirit. I LAUGHED with the Lord for 30 minutes while laying on the ground motionless in complete peace. I allowed Him to break down walls that I've broken down before, but built back up within the years. I allowed Him to speak through me to my new family, giving words of encouragement and love that He wanted them to know and believe. I allowed my feet to DANCE before Him completely unashamed. I allowed freedom into my life. I felt my brothers and sisters burdens as they shared their stories, and cried with them. I began to recognize when God wanted me to do something. I began to see what He intended for the church to look like, a bunch of broken freaking people on their faces before the Father leaving room for the Holy Spirit to move. It's not about the rules, the laws, and the regulations. I saw and I felt reckless abandonment for the very first time within a church body. Was it uncomfortable at first? hell yeah! But, after a while, it was normal. I wasn't distracted by those around me. All I truly cared about was Him.
At training week, God took what I thought was damaged goods and redefined everything I am and believed.
He affirmed me in who He thought I was:
"You're beautiful. You're loved. You're made new. You're purified. You're mine. You're past doesn't define you. When you laugh and smile, it brings Me joy. Your joy and welcomed spirit will change lives. You make Me proud. I will heal you."
Training week was Freedom.
The month before I left for training week, I really battled against the enemy.
He would tell me I wasn't good enough to do this trip. That AIM didn't want me before, so they won't want me again. To not waste my time even going to training week because they would just send me home in the middle of the week. That I'm not wise enough. That I don't bring enough to the table. That I have to much sin in my life that I refuse to deal with.
but ya'll, the beauty of last week is that I found freedom. Freedom from the lies, from the shame, from the chains of sin that held me down for years. it was filled with complete and utter freedom. He redefined so many of the lies that I was tied down to and I believed.
Freedom. Pure, indescribable, relentless freedom.
I learned freedom is a choice. I have to choose to walk in it every single day. I have to choose to say, "satan, you don't have a foothold in this because Christ already beat it on the cross- I am Free." When I learned that, freedom became so much easier to walk in.
rejection.
It's been an ongoing thing throughout my life and seemed to have a tighter grip on me than I thought. Years of rejection big or small latched onto my body like leeches sucking the life out of me, draining me.
But last week redeemed that,
I spoke in front of 20+ squad mates about what the Lord was doing through me that week and a bit of my story, I was raw and vulnerable with complete strangers, that quickly became family.
As I shared past struggles and pain in the most raw way I possibly could, I felt hands of love rest on me as I was shaking from the potential fear of being rejected in the end. I saw my new family members cry on my behalf. I sobbed. the hands turned into embraces as I finished sharing. It was a moment of redemption. The rejection from all the things in the past no longer mattered, I was accepted, I was loved in full for who I was and who I am.
freedom from rejection.
As the week went on and I began to walk in freedom confidently, big things began to happen.
He anointed me in the spirit.
He confirmed the gifts of encouragement and prophecy over me.
He gave me visions and pictures.
He gave me boldness.
I spoke.
I prayed with the boldness and authority He gave me.
I laughed at satan- literally.
I expected Him to do the indescribable.
He just showed up, yall.
And here's the cool thing… this is only the beginning. This last week is only a glimpse of what I'm about to experience next year.
I've fallen in love with my squad:
I've fallen in love with my team, the beautiful woman I will get the opportunity to do ministry with for the next 11 months: The Mighty Love
I've fallen in love with my Savior in a whole new level.
Coming home has been hard. He and I are battling through things together, talking things through, He's holding my hand as I let go of things that I love and want right now.
As I believe lies, He redefines them with truth. The process is never ending, but I have a week that I will never forget to remind myself of what He's brought me through and who He says I am, a week of beautiful freedom, confirmation, unobtainable joy, incredible supernatural stories, and overflowing Love.
He's confirmed it, I'm being sent.
It's difficult though… it's heart breaking to know what I'm sacrificing for a whole year. My family, a relationship, friendships, weddings, graduations, events, holidays.
But, He promised me that I'm coming back next year completely changed, I'm going to be a new woman. I'm coming back with stories and life change at my finger tips. And that makes all the things I'm leaving behind for a year, worth it.
So, I'm reaching out to you now. I still need $2,800 to launch with my new family by December 20th and $10,000 to be fully funded. Will you join me in my journey? I need your help! Click here
