I'm sitting on the patio, coffee in hand, in a long sleeve shirt and jeans and a blanket over me because I'm still cold.
I'm trying to process what the heck just happened.
What's going on in my life.
What went on this summer.
How the Lord moved in my life.
How I responded in rough situations.
How I'm no longer living in the South… it's now just a memory- filled with beautiful memories.
A little over a year ago, I was faced with a opportunity to move to california with my parents. I remember feeling overwhelmed of the idea of leaving my friends and church family that I developed over the years. I remember not being ready to drop all the possible opportunities I had waiting for me in Austin and just moving to California on a wimb. I remember feeling obligated to move because I didn't grasp that God was sovereign, no matter what choice I chose. I remember Him giving me more and more peace about staying in Austin after I already had subconsciously chosen to stay. because He let me.
I remember Him saying to me, "you're moving to California" but i didn't let him finish telling me "when you're ready."
I'm ready now.
I had to ease myself into a long term move in another state. I love that in the process I was involved with such beautiful ministries that have all had a challenge of their own; they brought me joy, gave me passion, and we're all little stepping stones in my continual growth process.
ACF student ministry, ACF children's ministry, Campus crusade, the Hannah ministry (Hannah was a 17 year old girl that marina and I took in while living in Tyler- she lived in an abusive home and had a 4 month old baby. She lived with us for 5 months, maybe less?), and lastly, Camp Fuego.
Camp Fuego is a story of it's own. Keep an eye out friends for a blog about all the things I've learned there.
I remember every time I moved I always left with a sense of feeling the Lord saying,
"okay, it's time for you to go now."
The first time I felt that, it was hard,
because I began mistaking that feeling with the feeling of being unwanted and not needed.
When I was in Tyler, I felt that same tug a few days before moving to Shreveport, I remember being confused because I wasn't exactly tied down to any ministry there.
But, as i began to understand more what the Lord was saying in that time, it was like he was giving me permission to go.
Getting me ready for the next season.
It was like a confirmation to say,
"well done for obeying and trusting me through all the trials I place before you,
now lets go again, and let me teach you something else."
I remember driving to Tyler after I had said my last goodbye in shreveport, I began sobbing for 30 minutes while driving, I exited, pulled over, then cried even harder. I was shaking. terrified. nervous. missing my friends already. all the old ones and even the new ones.
Then I heard Him say.
"I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you."
every time I let out yet another ugly cry, His voice would become louder and louder.
The friendships I have in Texas and Louisiana, they are gems. Absolute gems. As I was saying my last good-bye to my friend's Evangeline and Sarah in Shreveport before driving to Austin to catch my Tuesday flight, I remember Evangeline handing me a gift. When she said "I have something for you" I immediately threw my hands up and began sobbing like a baby.
I can't thank you all enough for the support you've shown me, the things you've taught me, the grace you've shown me, the love you've lavished on me, the patience you've given me, the knowledge, wisdom and dreams you've shared with me.
I remember waiting in line at the Austin airport and wishing we all would stop moving just for a minute or maybe hour, but the line just kept moving. I almost got frustrated and walked out of the line but I would have missed my flight. I had no option at that point. It was my time to go on another crazy adventure, just me and the Lord. I was afraid because I was going to a place i knew nobody- absolutely nobody. But i heard a small voice tell me "it's okay, I got you."
He did, He had me, after a while it was like he was the one pushing me through that line, because everything in me wanted to back out. He saw me to be ready for this though.
And I suppose that I am, friends, because as time has gone by of me being here, I have slowly had a sense of belonging. I'd be lying if i didn't say it hasn't been a rollercoaster of emotion, because goodness how it has been.
I spent my first week here camping in Oregon with my family, I spent hours talking to my grandma about God and sharing stories.
I spent hours alone by the lake shore thinking about what to do next and sitting alone in His presence.
I spent hours crying, processing, and allowing myself to just be in the moment of how I felt to it's fullest.
I spent time with my mom, just talking about life and getting to hear some of her story.
I spent time laughing with my grandpa and mother making up silly songs by the camp fire.
Then the time of camping was over and I came back to reality. I've kept myself busy here, I drove around sunnyvale, spent a lot of time by myself, took care of my car.
Then, yesterday, I decided to go to a college back-to-school swim party in Atherton, california with the church I've decided to get plugged into.
I thought it was a perfect way to meet new friends, and gosh, how it was. I spent hours getting to know people my age, being welcomed into the family, getting phone numbers right and left, spending hours talking and sharing stories with others with the same beliefs, getting invited to upcoming events to meet more people.
All the frustration I've had the last two weeks were redeemed with a beautiful night of fellowship with new friends.
I'm excited for this time, friends, it will continue to be filled with hardships, but I can't wait to see how the Lord works in my life while I'm here. He's brought some neat people into it so far, It's only the beginning of another beautiful adventure here in Sunnyvale, California.
