Waxing Nostalgic, Home Edition

Today I’m missing home.

Today I’m pining not just for what was, but for what could be in the future.

I miss living in an apartment, with a big ol’ room all to myself, a bed I share only with myself, and a window to look out of without fear of mosquitos or burglars or the unknown.

I miss sitting by a window with nothing but the screen between the rain and me.

I miss the coffee shop that lives two blocks away, with its cozy brick walls and cushy leather chairs and comfy warm atmosphere. And I really miss its soy chai lattes.

I miss late night movies with the roomie, or the bestie, or the ministry student. I miss my home ministry and all the souls that are interconnected and intertwined and all tangled up in it.

I miss the quiet. I miss my prius. I miss driving myself around with nowhere to go and nothing to do but roll the windows down and breathe in the cool wind. I miss seatbelts and rules of the road and feeling safe while on the road.

I miss real hospitals and doctors and dentists.

I miss hot showers. I miss showers at all, any kind with actual fast-moving, running, cleansing water.

I miss my yoga classes. Ones I teach and ones I attend. I miss my students and my teachers. I miss getting adjusted. I miss being touched and pressed and petted and soothed. I miss being stretched. I miss 108 Sun Salutes to welcome Fall and Spring.

I miss my gym and fitness classes and feeling healthy and in shape.

I miss Friday Night Dance Parties at Arthur Murray and 3rd-Saturday-a-month ballroom dances. I miss Swinging On Main and Goose and all my favorite dance partners.

I miss vegetables and salads that cost less than $10. Or salads that are simply available. I also miss steak and sushi and seafood in general. I miss Zeppoli from Olive Garden. Also pancakes with syrup.

I miss living in a place where my friends or students can walk to my house, open the door, and sit on my couch or start working on the ever-present jigsaw puzzle without knocking.

Today I miss an income. I don’t really miss the last job, specifically, but I miss making money and paying bills, and not just hanging in limbo waiting to get back and restart.

I miss shopping and movie theatres and meeting friends in random locations all by accident or divine appointment. I miss hearing my name called out when I’m walking through a food market or a craft store.

I miss crafts. I miss my yarn and knitting and having 8 projects going at once. I miss scrapbooking and roadtripping and discovering mom-and-pop shops in weird little towns with unpronounceable names far off the beaten track.

I miss good, strong, fast, reliable, dependable, sweet, loving internet. I miss text messaging.

I miss not being home for everyone’s wedding or anniversary or baby shower or birth or birthday.

I miss Caroline jumping into my car in the driveway of Chick-fil-a.

I miss hearing Lydia’s laugh. I miss Lindsey’s laugh, too. And her old apartment with Sarah.

I miss Mikyla’s pleas to get me to go see a band play in Louisville.

I miss buffalo bites and dance shows and complaining on the couch with Ellice. I miss Laurana, and long talks about epics with Brad.

I miss baking and talking with Janice, and being interrupted by Joe who always begins to preach because he can’t help himself; he has to talk about Jesus. I miss their wisdom and their hugs and I miss their dogs who are really livestock but like to pretend they’re lapdogs. I even miss hanging out on their couch when they aren't home.

I miss small group with Tierah and Sydney and Emily and Lydia and Caroline and Angela and Casey and Meghan.

I miss small group with my 707 girls. I miss my 707 Coaches. I miss 707 and Sunday Afternoon Ultimate.

I miss dogsitting at Wendy’s. A lot. Also Katherine-and-Wade’s and Mary Alice’s.

I miss sewing and quilting and laughing and dancing and baking and all-night-talking with Mary Alice. I miss game night at Derek's.

I miss game night and jigsaw puzzles.

I miss interpreting at Vineyard. I miss worshipping at Vineyard. I miss fellowshipping and laughing and crying at Vineyard. I miss the Knoll Family and the Allen Family and the Brownings and the Keelings and the Walkers and everyone who made me feel like a part of their life.

I miss my knitting group and how we were all like little grandmas, with our needles and yarn and homemade snacks from homegrown herb gardens and fancy pinterest recipes.

I miss long walks to the Farmer's Market and sneaking tastes of Vegan power food in that weird aisle at Whole Foods with Alex. I miss being jealous of Alex’s super sweet hipster style and trying unsuccessfully to imitate it.

I miss talking to Aunt CJ on the phone. I miss her laugh and how she tries to get me to talk to her doggies every time. I miss the rare and occasional 3 days off to go visit and lay around in her pool for 12 hours.

I miss ballroom dancing and dinner dates and movies with my mom, and having a beer with my brother.

I miss running and yoga and Downton Abbey with Casey. I miss Barre Workouts.

I miss Thai Bodywork- giving and receiving.

I miss random visits and youtube battles with Patrick and seeing live theatre with Thomas.

I miss an reunions with Peyton and bi-monthly run-ins with Mel where we instantly begin quoting from shows or old professors or memories.

I miss Tim and Ashley, in general. I miss yoga at the top of the Pinnacles with Erik. I miss hiking the Pinnacles. I even miss Capoeira class.

I miss signing and laughing and crying and Twilight-watching with Sarah and pizza. I miss driving around praying for the town with her. I miss us both living in the same place at the same time. I miss her dry humor and how she supports me and calls me out and encourages me. I miss how we’re game show hosts together, and I miss quoting Adventure Now for hours on end, even though we’re totally lame. I miss that one time when she got married.

I miss dresses and sandals and being clean all the time. I miss tights and cardigans and scarves and the smell of autumn arriving in Kentucky. I really, really miss Autumn in Kentucky. Like, I’m literally missing it. Right now. It’s happening. And I’m missing it.

I miss my black leather jacket. I miss my winter boots, the ugly snow-ones, not the cute leather ones. Although I miss them, too. I miss my holey skinny jeans and my legit yoga pants, not the target version I brought with me on the race. I miss my washing and drying machines, my sewing machine, and my kitchen with all its space and ability to host, entertain, and improve life for anyone who shows up to it. I miss my tv and I really miss my giant dvd collection. I miss my Chuck Taylors.

I miss holding an actual book in my hands, and feeling the spine loosen and wear. I miss bookstores.

I miss the kettle corn that the local movie theatre makes. I miss going to that theatre. I miss random Wednesday afternoon movies dates with myself.

I miss theatre and singing show tunes at the top of my lungs without fear of judgment or laughter or upsetting someone’s nap or quiet time. I miss floor work in modern dance class.

I miss when I wasn’t addicted to soda.

I miss traveling around alone. I miss planning and plans and organization. I miss visiting friends in faraway places.  I miss Washington, D.C in the winter. And in the summer. I miss the Northwest.

I miss home videos of dancing and martial arts and singing and basically being reminded of how awesome life was many years ago. It’s good to be reminded life has been awesome every step of the way, and it isn’t only now becoming awesome.

Life is still awesome, and I am loving where I am.

But it’s okay to miss home. And it’s okay to wax nostalgic about it.

But I just gotta keep my eyes on the prize! I am exactly where I am for a reason, and it is beautiful. Life is. Life is beautiful. In every season, and in every place.

I miss home and I miss the luxuries of being there, but I wouldn’t trade today and this place for anything. I’m representing the kingdom of heaven (just as I do at home), here in Africa, soon to be Asia. And I couldn’t be happier or more blessed.

Life is beautiful.