I am an introvert. It really drains me to be around people all the time. I crave, long for, and genuinely need alone time to recharge. One of the signature characteristics of introverts is a need for a head's up before major information is given, or before a major change in plans happens. If it happens, we can definitely deal with it well, and in grace… but just give us a head's up before announcing to a huge group so that we can prepare our energy levels.
This is the World Race. (In case you weren't aware). The very first thing staff informs you of, after you've signed on but before you've left, is that you have just given up your right to have information consistently at your fingertips. You've also given up the right to expectations.
I have to be honest. I have really begun to struggle with this. I didn't at first because- hey!- this is what I "signed up for," and it's all new and shiny. Everything is easy in the beginning, because beginner's enthusiasm clouds genuine emotion.
But lately I've been struggling with this a lot. AIM really promotes living in high honor and preference, creating an atmosphere of love and growth for everyone, and walking in freedom…as adults. There aren't a whole lot of rules for you to follow, because this is not a youth group retreat. This is not a summer camp. We are all adults who have consciously and willingly answered a call to follow the Lord wherever He asks or commands. As an adult you are simply asked to walk in responsibility and integrity. Which I think says a lot of the character of the organization and the people that help run it.
But I've begun to think that consciously withholding information about the next month/location/ministry/plans/etc… is kind of like treating Racers like children. I realize that part of it is to help us stay present in the ministry we are currently in. I realize that part of it is because plans change so often and so easily, if someone fosters an expectation or excitement about something and it changes, this can lead to negative attitudes, frustration, or bitterness.
But I also feel that, as adults, we should be given the opportunity to grow from broken expectations. If information is always withheld, no expectations are ever created, how do we ever grow in that area? How do we ever learn to cope with broken expectations, or frustrations about changed plans? We can't! Hence- being treated like children.
Well… I've really been struggling.
I know. I've said it 19 times in the last 7 paragraphs. But it's really begun to affect me.
So I brought it to my squad leader. When in doubt, when in struggle, when the Spirit prompts a need for outside wisdom, perspective, or discernment, go to someone who is walking a path full of wisdom, perspective, and discernment clearly evidenced by the fruit in his/her life. Don't just lean on your own judgment. Or understanding.
Enter Kat. My Godly, truth-seeking, life-speaking, grace-giving Squad Leader.
(She's also super pretty)
And this was her timely, truthful, completely-Spirit-breathed encouragement to me (and to you, too):
When Jesus sent His disciples out, He didn't tell them exactly where they were going, what they were doing, or what they were going to experience when they got there. He just said (basically) (paraphrasing), "Receive well what is given to you. Honor the people that you meet along the way. Honor their culture. If they don't eat a certain kind of meat… don't eat that meat with them. Honor them. And I'll let you know what to do when you arrive, but trust Me now, and go in faith."
I have to say… this hit me really, really hard. I'd never thought about it from this perspective. Obviously.
But it makes so much sense to me now! Jesus is not asking me to take this leap of faith, to become this missionary, to bring His Name to the nations…and have all the information in the world. That's not faith! It's not faith when I don't have to wait for Him, when I don't have to ask Him. If I had access to all the information, if I could make all the plans in my own power, why would I need Him? No, no. He is asking me to simply Go and allow Him to prepare the way. He is releasing me of my need to plan things, He is releasing me of the need for information beforehand…. He is releasing me of the chain of only going when I know what's ahead of me.
That issue introverts have of needing to reserve energy for whatever may lay ahead? He's releasing me of that. If I am reserving my own energy and strength, I don't need to depend on Him for whatever is ahead. And that is so freeing since my own strength fails me so often anyway.
This Race…these things we've given up rights to- information, expectations… it's not because we're being treated like children. It's because we're being called up into mature living. Being willing and courageous to Go when you don't know what's coming, or what is needed of you when you arrive. Being willing and courageous enough to wait and rely upon the Lord's strength/energy/patience/provision, and not your own. Being willing and courageous to accept whatever challenge or change of plans lies in front of you, and to do it with grace and love, knowing that your team/squad leaders- the authority that has been placed over you for this season- will let you know what you need to know, when you need to know it. And it's all Spirit-led….led by the Spirit and led toward the Spirit. It's all to refine us a little more, to call us up a little more, to give us a chance to look more like Jesus.
And…again… that's really what it's all about.
