Pero No Me Gusta La Playa! [PHOTO]

I have a confession, and I know it's going to come as a hard reality for some people…but here goes:

I hate the beach.

I know, I know. But I just do. I hate wearing bathing suits. I hate sand in weird crevices of your body. I hate the idea of the horizon not having a definitive end. I hate the unknown. I hate creepy sharks and jellyfish and carracuda and sting rays and sharp, pointy, jagged rocks just under the water line. I hate the power of the equatorial sun or your white, white skin. It's a rough place for me to be. Give me a mountain.

But our God is a God who redeems. And this past week, He has redeemed beaches in my life.

For our last few days in Honduras, our squad and the entire 20-person family of street boys and street girls and our ministry host all went to the beach for a mini vacation. We were there for a day and a half, having the opportunity to introduce a lot of the kids to the ocean, and continue ministering to their hearts in a relaxing setting.

We left and went straight to Debrief, which was located- surprise, surprise- on the beach in El Salvador. At both locations I felt a sense of dread and a sense of "Well, great. Ah, well."

But the Lord has given me a genuine love and a real enjoyment of the places we've been. Debrief is meant to help us rest and recharge for the next few months of ministry, and I have spent more time out on the water, crashing through the pretty incredible waves in the last 4 days than I have in my entire life combined.

It's not just because the places we've been have been beautiful. Or picturesque. I think it's because Papa has used this downtime to teach me a lot of truths: about identity, about His love for me without my having to earn it, about His approval of me without me having to earn it, and about my gifts of discernment and wisdom (which seems really cool, but actually just means I've been having some serious spiritual attacks and He is asking me to deal with them). It's been a really hard week emotionally, because it's been a really hard week spiritually. Papa asked me to do several different fasts this week, in order to hear Him more clearly. And if you know anything about me, you know I'm a talker, and a praiser, and a worshipper, and a lover, and a life-speaker….even over the Lord. But He is asking me to be a listener first and foremost now, and when I couldn't or wouldn't learn to do it in month one, He has required me to give up some things in order to learn this week: like speaking.

The really cool thing about these fasts is that, although they have been really hard and have taken a lot of focus and concentration on Jesus, they have taught me SO much about myself and about my Lord. They have taken me out of my comfort zone and placed my feet on a Rock other than my own plans or even image of what it means to love or follow the Lord. They have taught me what it means to be an Eternal Daughter, and not just an earthly one. And they are continuing to teach me who I am and Whose I am, and what that means for my daily walk on this earth.

It's good.

And it all happened in the place I least wanted to be.

And yet… I have this great affection for this place now. I have been given a great joy in waking up and diving into the ocean of God's love, both figuratively and literally.

God is so funny like that.