Welp, this is it! Tomorrow I haul the rest of my furniture to a church to prepare it for a yard sale/fundraiser. I've already taken most of the little things. I'm honestly really thrilled at the prospect of getting rid of everything- of shedding layers of my past, of materialism, of clinging to things that are just…things. It's definitely a metamorphosis, of sorts.
But as I sit here on my bed, for the last time ever, I'm strangely nostalgic and sad. I'm selling everything that I own. If it can't fit in my pack, and it doesn't have long-lasting family ties/memories, it's going. I guess it's really hitting me that this is it: after this sale, I'm all in, whether I'm ready for it or not.
If I'm completely honest with myself, it's been really difficult to watch my fellow squaddies post on facebook or twitter about how much support they have raised so far. I want to celebrate with them- and I do!- but it also makes me a little sad and a little jealous. Fundraising has not come easy to me so far, and especially in the last few weeks it has been almost at a standstill. With more and more deadlines coming up, and launch just two months away- it's becoming really stressful as to how I will be able to come up with all the money needed, and how I will be able to continue fundraising while I'm out on the field.
And so this Saturday will be the first huge leap of faith for me. Sure, I've sent out the customary fund letters, and I've emailed the standard newsletters, and I can blog up a storm if I'm in the mood… but this yard sale will be the first big event I've done to raise support. I think I've done all I can to prepare: I've taken load after load to the site, I've cleaned and organized, I've prepared to move all the big, heavy stuff, I've created flyers and posted them all over town, I've even made craigslist and facebook events for it. I've shackled half of my youth group and most of my college ministry students into baking goods or just coming out to hang out the day of. We even have my old Capoeira group, Beira Mar, coming out to do a roda (performance) to draw more attention!
And as I think about how thrilling this all is- that I'm finally fulfilling my call- and how overwhelmingly blessed I am in my precious friends, I still find myself stressing: what if we don't have enough to sell, and we don't raise any money? Or: what if we have too much, and we don't sell anything, and we don't raise any money?
I think I'm beginning to see a pattern…
But at the end of the day, man… it's me and my Dad. He's asked something of me, and there's not a hesitation. YES, Papa, I will gladly and eagerly sell my possessions to follow You to the ends of the earth! NOTHING is going to stop me from chasing Him wherever He leads me, not money, nor deadlines, nor fear or anxiety. He has called me and anointed me for this work, and I will go…no matter the cost.
People keep asking me what I'm going to do when I get back home next year and I don't own anything. It's so funny! Because coming back home is not the focus, nor the goal. I'm opening up the doors for Papa to wreck my life, to change my course and my future. If He brings me back to Kentucky, He will provide. If He sends me to another state, He'll provide. If He draws me into life in a third world country, then I have the clothes on my back and a smile on my face, and He Will Provide.
Yeah, I'm a little sad that this is the last night I'll sleep in a real bed for awhile. Yeah, I'm a little nervous about how many people will turn out to a "yard sale." But, shew- I can't wait to drop everything and chase my Love with my whole life. This is it. I'm all in. Here I go!
