Is the countdown until I embark on the journey that shall change my life forever…
Safe to say, I'm kinda freaking. That's not a lot of time. At all.
As the days go by, it is more and more clear that this is the path He wants me on. I am convinced that even if tried to sabotage my way out of this, He wouldn't let me. And that's beyond scary to me. It's like, "You go!". It isn't my choice. This is much bigger than anything "ME" related. I'm reminded that, as a matter of fact, this isn't about ME at all.
I haven't done much about the act of "fundraising" itself. I cannot say if it's just because my mind has been busy with other things (new job and finishing school) or if it's because I have been able to master the most important step towards raising funds successfully: relying on Him completely.
But one thing I can say, slowly and surely people have come forward with support! My first and second donors were single mothers of two! And even old friend from Serbia that I haven't seen in close to 10 years reached out! Dude, talk about being humbled!
There's nothing more humbling than to hear God saying loud and clear "I want this for you and I'm making it happen. Now have faith, child"
Yes the dollar signs are intimidating buuut I have to admit that's not even the scariest part for me. I'm genuinely worried about leaving the comforts of my home, my friends, my family, and all that I know here in Boston. I am scared about getting to know all these new people (apparently they're all obsessed with Disney movies hahah) and calling them my "family" from now on.
This past month, I concentrated on a new job. God has blessed me with an opportunity to make good money this summer so I gots to make sure I'm on top of my game, clear headed and ready to put in the hours. I'm all about serving and honoring Him here, in the now, too.
This past week I concentrated on finishing school strong (not doing so strong right now as I should be finishing up my work but instead I'm typing this! ha). And next week, I'll put in a request for time off for training camp. Then I'll start looking into documents, papers, vaccinations, etc. Then I'll concentrate on my gear and so on…
One day at a time. *exhales*
I may sound like I have it all together as you read my little time line above. But truth be told, I'm freaking! Anxiety has gotten the best of me. It's gotten so bad, I turned off notifications from our squad's Facebook group because I couldn't deal with all the commotion.
I read "3 months, 14 days" in a squad-mate's Facebook status update and had a mini heart-attack. After I calmed down, I still couldn't get the numbers out of my head, so I opened up my bible and came face to face with Philippians 3:14 "I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
This letter from Paul made a world's difference in my life once when I was at crossroads with changes. I was afraid of the doors God was about to open. At the time, I was very comfortable in my faith. During that week when we studied this book, I asked God for a challenge. I made a list of things I wanted to change and prayed for help in staying fearless and most of all, faithful. Needless to say He came through. A lot changed, and I am so glad it did!
So here I go again, pressing on toward the goal…
