Hello my dear friends!
First, an apology for not updating you in so long! Here we go:
Last month, Uganda, was incredible. Team Conquerors had a month full of true intention. We got to live at Hidden Treasure Primary School in Maya, Uganda. Our ministry involved the construction of a church, door-to-door ministry, fellowship with the sweetest church members, Operation Christmas Clean (a day where we went out and simply cleaned the streets of Maya), and Christmas caroling through our town. It was beautiful.
This was our first month of bucket showers! Yay! We also got to experience “the hole”. Instead of squatty potties, we just had a very very very deep hole in the ground where you do your business. In the dark. Trust me, we got lots of laughs out of that one.
I truly fell in love with the family and community that we were surrounded by; we couldn’t have had a better first month in Africa!
So here’s a big update:
Uganda was our last month as Team Conquerors. At the beginning of this month we had our first squad team changes. Along with these changes came changes in leadership because our alumni squad leaders are heading home at the end of this month.
I am incredibly humbled to announce that I have been raised up as a squad leader for L-squad! I will be leading in this position for the next six months along with two incredible women Lynda Watson, and Katie Allen. As squad leaders we have to privilege to turn our focus to our squad, to visit a different team every month, to facilitate growth, disciple, and love the heck out of our squad mates. This is an incredible responsibility, an honor, and a true joy to my heart. I could not be more excited to get to know these people better and continue to do ministry with them these next six months.
Because of this change, we are currently in a month of transition here in Rwanda. We are in a month of training! This consists of living with the alumni squad leaders (who have done the WR before), visiting different teams out on the field, then coming back to where we’re staying, debriefing and going through training.
This month has brought about a lot of processing.
Here’s what I’ve been going through…
My whole life I have had the presence of God around me. I grew up knowing about Him and how good His is, but it did not become real for me until my first year of university. It was in this season of life that I committed to pursue Christ with all I had.
This month, I’ve been struggling with my personal sin. It’s been one of those times when my flesh surprises me and I’m in shock of my sinful nature and my temptations. Thoughts creep in that you know are not of God.
In these times, when I am tempted, when my sin is so evident to me, I go through a process:
I am in unbelief.
I am afraid.
I doubt in myself.
I condemn myself.
This month I have come into a hard but beautiful revelation.
Ever since I began my relationship with our Lord, I have been committed to pursuing Him and the relationship I have with Him. To grow, learn, be challenged, love, serve, and fail. All of these things are great and they are what bring us closer to Him…but in my walk I have forgotten the freedom I have because of the Holy Spirit that came into my heart when I accepted Christ.
When I fail, when sin overtakes, when the flesh comes out, I feel nothing but guilt.
I feel like a good daughter that got caught and needs to be punished.
But the reason our God is unlike any other God is because our Gospel is GRACE! It’s all about forgiveness and how we don’t have to feel like we need to be punished because we’ve already been forgiven, all we need to do is receive a gift that forever changes us.
Well, that has been almost impossible for me to accept and understand. This is an insecurity, the insecurity that I am not worthy. That I do not deserve the gift of grace, and that is when self-condemnation takes over and I think I have to be better at pursuing God.
Well friends this is when Jesus whispered into my ear…
“Ana, you are worth everything, you are worth saving, and you are worth forgiving because I made you. Because I want you to know me. Because I love you! Please stop saying you are not worthy, I freed you from this when I died on the cross for you, remember.”
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the new law of sin and death”
Romans 8:1-2
Something I heard this week: “when has self-condemnation ever brought us closer to God? We are FREE from condemnation! We as believers are so quick to send ourselves up to our room when we mess up. BUT GOD, He doesn’t send us away. He wants us next to Him, saying ‘come here and let’s work this out together’ stop sending yourself away from your Father”.
Yesterday afternoon, as I was sharing my testimony at a church here in Rwanda, and speaking of this freedom that we are quick to forget, tears overtook my eyes.
In that moment the Lord reminded me once again…
“Don’t forget that I pursue you first, that I love you first. Stop trying so hard to make me love you! Be still, rid yourself of guilt, I will fight for you like I always have”
I’ve learned that our God says ‘I love you’ first, we get to say ‘I love you too’.
—————————————————————————–
Fundraising update!
Man oh man we’ve come so far, thank ya’ll so much!
The next deadline is March 1st…in which I have to be FULLY FUNDED!
God has absolutely shown his faithfulness in these five months, will you prayerfully consider getting us one step closer to $16,255?
Thank you for all that have joined into this mission in your prayers and support. Lives are being changed.
