Well, I’ve made it. I’m in America, sitting on a couch in a Hampton Inn, in Miami, eating Chipotle. I’m actually staying the night here before I head to Philly tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I cannot believe it’s over and am basically constantly on the verge of tears. As someone who came on the race expecting not to make friends, I can’t even figure out how to describe the feelings of walking away from them in the airport today. What a wild eleven months it’s been.
The last year has been absolutely saturated with the number eleven. Everything has revolved around it, beginning with laying on the floor month 1 in Puerto Rico, constantly repeating, “eleven more months” and wondering what I was thinking signing up for something like this, all the way to finishing up month 11, hugging my new family in tears in gate 11 of the Guatemala City airport. So, to commemorate this number and for my last blog (cue your celebration of one less email in your inbox!) I’ve written a little list of eleven things that I’ve learned this year – sorry bout the length, it’s been a long year.
- I found a quote this year that St Augustine said, “all plenty which is not my God is poverty to me” and I just feel as if that’s a great conclusion of how I feel about all the poverty that I saw this year. I definitely saw my fair share of material poverty…people living in cardboard houses, begging for food, needing medical attention, all the normal aspects of it – and yeah, it’s heartbreaking and unfair and everytime i get all of those sick feelings of wanting to help but the problem being too big. But people needing these things really isn’t the saddest thing that I saw this year.
The saddest thing I saw on the race were the people who had poverty of hope. There are people in the world who don’t have a reason to live for tomorrow. It’s not because they don’t have clothes or because they don’t have food. It’s because there is literally no reason for them to wake up the next morning and no matter how many people tell them they’re valuable or they’re worth something…it’s difficult to comprehend until you see yourself the way the Lord sees you – valuable and loved. And without a relationship with the Lord…true hope is impossible to find. It’s so heartbreakingly sad to see. And that’s why we go…to introduce them to the escape of the worst and most detrimental kind of poverty.
- Something else I learned this year is that punctuality is apparently something I value. I don’t know if you know anything about Latin America time, but it basically means that they’ll be there within three hours of the time they told you. I also don’t know if you know anything about living with 6 other girls…but getting anywhere on time is borderline impossible – combine the two and you have a recipe for a heck of a lot of waiting around. I think most people would describe me as pretty flexible and carefree…but this year really put that to the test. When I’m ready to be carefree I want to go do it when I’m ready. So throughout this year I have learned how to extend grace, to laugh off hosts that are two hours late to pick you up (after you had already woken up at 5am to work out so you wouldn’t be late) or to wait the extra ten minutes so a friend can finish getting ready to go find coffee with you. The Lord is so patient with me in so many ways that I can’t begin to count…because I’m trying to look more like Him, I am thankful for the ways I was able to practice this this year and am going to keep working on it now that I’m home.
- The only reason I learned that about myself is because of COMMUNITY. oh, what a world race word. I’ve embraced it. It’s part of us now…and oh how valuable. I was afraid of community…but it turns out it’s been my favorite part of all this. It’s so nice to always have someone who genuinely wants the best for you around. I’ve made friends i will never lose. I’ve been challenged by different personalities and wanted nothing but to just be alone for 5 minutes (which literally hasn’t happened in 11 months). But, I’ve been given some of the best encouragement I’ve ever heard. I’ve been told some of the hardest constructive feedback I’ve ever heard…and all of these things have caused me to look more like Jesus than I’ve ever looked….because of community.
4.Laughing is seriously the best thing ever and I have seen first hand this year how it is possible in some pretty sucky situations. I have been around people for 11 months who make me laugh every day. I think of standing out in a field in Costa Rica with my team picking weeds, every day, and a rain storm coming through like I’ve never seen before and laughing to tears. I picture us in Ecuador, mixing concrete for the billionth day in a row, laughing at the the random old man pointlessly pounding a hammer on a trash can. I even remember the day my phone was stolen and I was being as dramatic as I possibly could be about it and a friend started singing, “I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend…” which made me start laughing and not being able to stop. Laughing has gotten me through the hard days and made the good days better. I’m taking this one home with me for sure – there’s always something to laugh at and I don’t want to miss a single one of them.
5. You always hear God is a God of details, but I guess I didn’t really understand it until the race. I guess I probably wasn’t looking for it. But, after this I can look back on the past 11 months and see tiny details that I know he orchestrated. That maybe that specific team change didn’t make sense, or it was another terrible ministry right after a bad one…I can see how what He chose for me in each season made SO MUCH SENSE. He is so very Sovereign and so loving. I want to make sure that I am continually thanking Him for the details in my life that don’t even make sense to me. I want to give Him the credit and glory He deserves for putting the people, situations and places in my life in the seasons that He does. He is a God who cares about things that make me happy and I want to continue to acknowledge that, even in America.
6. I may risk sounding like a jerk on this one…but before the race, when I met someone I would usually make a subconscious automatic judgment of whether we would be able to be friends or not. I would analyze whether we had absolutely nothing in common or assess if they were too cool to be my friend. I wonder how many amazing relationships I have been missing out on because I was pulling that jerk move. Some of the people who I thought were too cool for me at training camp are now friends that I will have for the rest of my life now. And those who I swore we’d have nothing to talk about because we had nothing in common? I learned that the less you have in common, the more you have to talk about. I’ve learned and laughed so much with people who are completely opposite of me because we’re different. I’m excited for a fresh perspective and to see what friendships I’ve been missing.
7. I’ve been a few different places now…and there are SO many cool people in the world. Whether I’ve spent 11 straight months with them, met them one night in a hostel or worked under their ministry for a month – these eleven months have shown me that I want to keep going. I want to keep meeting people, loving people, and learning from people. When you’re comfortable with where you are in life it’s really easy to think you have everyone you need, but this has assured me that I want to meet everyone I can and learn from as many people as I can. The world is too big and people are too cool to stay in one place too long.
8. On that note…I did NOT realize the incredibly amazing friends that I have at home. If you talked to me at all before I left you would know that my number one fear was my friends forgetting I existed. I really like them a lot and I didn’t want to lose them. But instead, I have seen them love me through long emails, short texts, snapchats and prayers. They have encouraged me and pushed me to look more like Jesus all the way from another continent. I feel like I’m coming home to closer relationships than when I left – that’s gotta mean I have some really great friends.
(So real quick, thank you guys. You have made this year better for me by being apart of it. I am so excited to see you all and celebrate your missed birthdays, toast missed engagements, crash your dorm room, be in your wedding, awkwardly meet new boyfriends, visit new classrooms, see the houses you bought, and drive ridiculous hours, three states over for a concert on a Saturday night with you…you guys are seriously the best and I’ve missed you.)
- Some people probably go on the race to find adventure. I’d say some people find it and some people miss it. the race has assured me that I can make the rest of my life an adventure, whether I am moving countries each month or living in an apartment with a husband and a dog. Adventure doesn’t just show up…you have to look for it, create it and appreciate each moment. You have to go for a run down that dirt road and stop to talk to locals, hop on an overnight bus ride to a no name town in Colombia for a cup of coffee, hike through the mountains in Chile, go white water rafting, jump off a bridge, pick a city you don’t know and take a train to it – those things weren’t included in the race package…we had to make them happen. Just go do something different. Adventure is so worth it and I’m gonna find it no matter where I end up.
- This is a weird/hard one to write…but hear me out. I love who I am. And I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to say that honestly before and really believe it. this year I’ve seen over and over ways that I suck. And he has shown me each time that He is stronger than all of those things. He uses each of my weaknesses to bring Him more glory and draws me closer to Himself as I work through them. Sometimes I get too easily frustrated, sometimes I say stupid things, sometimes I think mean things and sometimes I forget how to extend forgiveness. He loves me though all of those things and His grace to me is an example to myself and others. So I’m genuinely thankful the Lord made me the way He did. I think that’s why life has gotten funner and laughter has gotten sweeter this year…because when you’re not always self conscious, life is a lot more liberating. That doesn’t mean I always do the right things…but you know what? Yolo. Sometimes I’m gonna eat too many French fries and say awkward things….they’re good and sometimes I’m funny. I’m going to appreciate each moment.
- I feel like a classic question short term missionaries ask when they get home from trips is ‘why do Americans put God in a box?’ And I’m about to disagree with that…not to say some people don’t recognize the power of God. But, most people in America believe that God can do miracles, that he can heal people and he still speaks. People don’t disagree with that. but then the question turns into – why doesn’t it happen in America? Not because we put God in a box, but because we put ourselves in a box. We don’t believe that God can use us to do the things we believe He can do. Whether it’s because we feel like we’re not worthy or because we aren’t looking for ways to allow him to work…we’re placing ourselves in a box that limits what God can do through us.
This year I’ve seen people be healed, people be loved, the gospel be shared, heard Him speak in new ways and seen Him speak to others hundreds of times. He does it. He’s not in a box. and we believe He deems us worthy, because of Jesus, and we’re looking for ways to bring Him glory. We’re not in a box….and so it happens. I think that if in America Christians would break out of these self conscious, self doubting boxes we put ourselves in and let him work…we’d surprise ourselves with what He does through us. and I definitely plan on bringing this thinking back with me.
I could really keep writing forever about things that I’ve learned, but this is already too much. The main question I’ve been getting what my plan is now….andddd I don’t know.
I can tell you some new things I do know –
I love Jesus a lot and understand Him better than I ever have.
I love Spanish and everything that speaking it entails (granted it still needs a lot of work).
I love moving and living and traveling and adventure and laughter.
I love leaving home and love coming home again.
I love who Jesus made me to be and the desires He’s given me.
I love other people and I want everyone to know how much Jesus loves them and I want to be a part of that in any way that He allows.
so, that’s where I’m at. if anyone has any ideas how I can use that list to formulate some sort of plan…I’m available for you to take me to Chipotle or Starbucks and discuss it whenever your schedule allows 🙂
I couldn’t have made it through this year without you all – through prayers, money, emails, Facebook messages, thoughts, texts, everything…people say the race is the hardest and best year of your life – I wouldn’t say it was my hardest, just my best. and I think that’s partly attributed to the support system I have at home. so thank you for letting me love people all through South and Central America for you guys. God saw and heard every dollar and every prayer you gave me and I’ve been talking to him about making sure you’re blessed tenfold for that. 🙂
love you all! see you SOON!
