one more day of training and then we’re off…I’m so excited. we finally have details of where in Puerto Rico we’ll be now, our host name, and our budget (which somehow, I have gotten excited about working on?). as per my usual fashion, I can’t relay those details to you, cause I don’t remember…I just know I’m going 🙂
tonight in one of our sessions, Holly (a staff of AIM who worked with us a bit during training camp who is so sweet and wise) was talking to us about the manifest presence of God versus the omnipresence of God…it was good stuff. she walked us a bit through the Old Testament and talked about things that the Ark of the Covenant, the manifest presence of God did physically…things like part the Jordan River. The manifest presence of God is powerful.
when Jesus came and died…the presence of God left the box that it was in and now lives in US. We carry the manifest presence of God everywhere we go. We have the power within us, through Christ to change things physically by just bringing Him into places we go and into conversations we have. What an incredibly crazy concept.
after talking about this she talked about things that we needed to repent of, forgive people for and asked us just to worship and thank the Lord for what He has done. throughout all this is when I made a decision (that probably honestly should have been made when I signed up for the race…but, I wouldn’t have meant it nearly as much as I meant it in the moment I actually made it) that I was going to pursue the Lord on this trip like I never have before.
Yes, I’ll still focus on ministry, listening to what the Holy Spirit tells me to do, and have fun. But, I will also focus on becoming closer to the Lord more intentionally than I’ve ever been able. I want to know Him so well that I don’t know who I am at all without Him. I want to be defined as a Child of God, before anything else.
this is enough for one blog. even as I was making this decision I thought, I need to blog this for accountability to myself. but as I started to worship, the Lord began telling me more…and honestly things I don’t like.
there are things standing in the way of coming into more intimacy with Him. He spoke so clearly to me and called me out for being frustrated with Him for so long. I knew that I have been frustrated about the way I look…but I thought I surrendered that by coming onto the race and turning my weight over to Him. I guess I didn’t completely surrender it. But then the frustration turns into guilt because I know what I look like shouldn’t matter, and if I don’t like how I look, then I’m telling God he did a bad job creating me, which makes me doubt his Sovereignty. I know. I feel guilty about being frustrated with God…and that puts SUCH a roadblock in the intimacy that I could have with Him.
and to be honest, that’s where I am now.
I’m excited to work through it…while working through it honestly sounds impossible, I know God is bigger than what is possible for me to do. and right now, I wanna do the impossible and get through it…because I want more of Him, I wanna carry the manifestation presence of God everywhere I go to the point where the physical is forced to change because the glory of God has been there in me.
So, here’s a really honest blog for those of you asking how to pray. thank you for praying, it’s already working.
