On our last Wednesday in Heideveld we fasted. As I took the elements of the Lord’s supper in my hands, I sat in my seat and said to God, “This is all the sustenance I have had all day.” Immediately he replied, “I am enough.”
As those words sunk deeper into my heart, I was hit hard with realization after realization: this is what the Lord had been telling me all month. I prayed and begged him to speak to me about our team and I listened and listened but I did not hear. He was speaking. He was saying, “I am enough.”
The beauty of this truth is that he does not say it expecting us to go without. He says it expecting us to have faith to receive what we ask for. He has already said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him?” (Matthew 7:7-11)
When Pastor Gaylynn told us we were going out into the community to do door-to-door outreach on our very first day in South Africa, we all panicked a little. When was the last time anyone did door-to-door outreach in the US? We were intimidated and excited and scared and felt very, very unprepared for something so unfamiliar! We all threw up a silent, desperate prayer: “Uh…. I don’t know what to say, God… but please do something….” The Lord replied, “I am enough. Speak my Word.” And he filled us with confidence and bold prayers for the people his heart is seeking.
When we went grocery shopping for the first week, we quickly realized that our small food budget would not be enough to supply the comfort of food from home. We bought lots of oatmeal, lots of rice, and lots of cornmeal. After three days of buttered toast, we were hungry. We prayed for satisfaction and hearts of gratitude. The Lord replied, “I am enough. I will feed you.” The next day, we got an email from our budget coordinator reissuing our food budget. It was TEN TIMES the original amount! Our first meal of spaghetti bolognaise felt like a feast for kings and queens!
When we spent our first night alone in the church building, we spent 90% of that time discerning whether that creaking sound was from the church gate or the neighbor’s. We tossed and turned and laughed nervously with each other. We asked the Lord, “What do we do? We know we shouldn’t be scared but…. We are.” He replied, “I am enough. I will protect you.” The next day, we spoke with Pastor Gaylynn and a man from the church agreed to spend the nights with us for the entire month. He sacrificed time with his family to make sure we were safe, and, in the meantime, he became one of our dearest friends! We ate meals together, gave and received incredible encouragement and challenges together, laughed and cried together. We were given a big brother, and we love him so much!
When we finished our second week of ministry at the Father’s House, we began to get a little restless in the church building. We had yet to go outside of the immediate vicinity and the beautiful mountain outside our window called us to the top! The Lord heard our hearts and recognized the desire to explore and enjoy the mountains and city. Before we even asked he said, “I am enough. Find joy in me.” That weekend, he sent two teams all the way from Jefferey’s Bay to pick us up and take us to the mountain and the waterfront. We had so much fun with the other teams, and the view from the mountain left us totally breathless.
Up to this point, we still did not recognize the incredible power imparted to us by the Lord. We accepted these blessings joyfully, but we failed to recognize their source and we continued to ask for our selfish desires. After God sent the JayBay teams, we did not return to the church satisfied in his gift. We maintained a heart of desire and we stayed focused on all the things we wanted to do and see for our own pleasure. We asked again and again for freedom like the other teams were experiencing, and he, once again, sent us a friend to drive us around town. These desires began to bring tension and disunity in our team and with our host, and we were blind to its effects on us.
As I sat with the elements of the Lord’s Supper and heard him say, “I am enough,” my eyes were opened to all of these things and I realized how poorly we had used the power he has given us! With this faith comes great responsibility. “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and you do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” (James 4:1-3)
This month, we have seen that the Lord gives good gifts to his children. We have also seen the responsibility of believers to ask on behalf of others and not ourselves. We spent this month in a community that is in dire need of healing, peace, safety, repentance, and revival, and we spent the month asking the Lord for gifts for ourselves. Yikes. It’s so encouraging to know that the same Father who gives such abundant gifts also gives abundant grace.
We were so lovingly disciplined this month with Philippians 2:12-13 that says, “Therefore, my beloved…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” And Luke 12:32 tells us that the Lord’s good pleasure is to, “give you the kingdom.”
So here we are: aware of the immense power of the Spirit of God living in us, disciplined by a loving Father who is treating us as his daughters, safe and taken care of, and purposefully pursuing the opportunity to speak the truth of the Gospel of Christ into thirsty hearts.
