When I was younger, my older sister and I were constantly mistaken as twins. She is 4 years older than I am, so I was able to live the life of a 19 year old at 15 and I loved every minute of it!
I always found my identity in my maturity, both mental and physical, and I took pride in my ability to succeed among men and women who were much older than myself. So, being a “Child of God” was something I felt comforted by, but never really identified with.
Until now.
Of all the people who know us, no one knows us the way our Creator knows us, right? I mean, the Lord, “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13) and he has numbered the hairs on my head (Luke 12:7)! So, he of all people should know that I am mature and confident and bold, definitely not like a child. The more I tell God that I’m strong and independent, the more he proves I am definitely not!
I’ve been reading and re-reading the book of Hebrews, specifically chapter 12, and one section jumps out at me each time:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all … No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:5b-12
For the first time in my life, I feel like a child. Through the World Race, God has required me to rely completely on him and on his universal church for all of my needs: encouragement, prayer, money, love, peace, and more. I do not feel mature or confident or bold. Instead, I feel small.
Very small.
God, my Father, seems to have taken me, his child, by the hand and led me straight into a situation where discipline is both necessary and painful. However, I’m learning to look forward with anticipation to the “harvest of righteousness and peace” in my spirit when I have been trained by it.
Friends and family, I beg of you: pray for me. Pray for maturity, confidence, and boldness, NOT from myself or my own strength, but from the Spirit of God who is alive and at work in me.
