I’m an internal processor. Sometimes the internal processing can take a few minutes, or sometimes it can take weeks. So here I am, almost four weeks after training camp, still processing the experience.
In the last few weeks some people asked me, “How was boot camp?” And in some ways, that’s pretty accurate. It was a physically exhausting experience. Exercising, dancing, and doing team building activities in the middle of Hot-lanta’s summer will physically wear anyone out.
I told people about the different sleeping scenarios (community tents, airport simulation, tarp in the middle of the woods, etc.) and the bathroom situations (port-a-potties, bucket showers, etc.) but how much do you tell someone about the emotional and spiritual experience?
If I were to use one word to describe my spiritual journey during training camp, I would use freedom.
I experienced total freedom to be myself. Being the introvert that I am, I was nervous going into training camp that I would feel pressure to be in conversation at all times. I was trying to get to know this giant group of completely new people so I had to be on top of my social game, right? Well, as time went on, I found that the best way I could give to this group was staying true to the person God created me to be. If I needed time alone to be more fully myself, that is what I did. I felt no shame in that. We were constantly encouraged to allow God to reveal our strengths to us, but also to speak truth into others. The gifts He has given us aren’t for us, but for the world. We cannot compare and we cannot keep them for ourselves. I could feel God’s truth, love and grace extended to me daily through the people on my squad, and I am so thankful for that.
I also experienced freedom from myself. That may sound strange, but before training camp I felt the heavy weight of my sinful nature. I was feeling so much shame for the things I thought, the ways I lashed out in anger or frustration, for not being who I know God created me to be, but instead acting in a way that wasn’t true to who I am. It was exhausting. It seemed to be a huge barrier between God and me that I couldn’t get through. I constantly apologized to God for being human.
Paul spoke right into this feeling when he said in Romans 7:21-23, “So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being, I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.”
Clearly, I was missing the point. Yes all of this is true. We are human; we have to deal with the limits of our flesh and the attacks of the enemy. But that’s when Christ comes in.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
On the 7th day of training camp, I felt God telling me to just accept His love and walk with Him. That I need to extended grace and forgiveness to myself, because He has already done that and will continue to do that everyday for the rest of eternity. The burden of my sinful nature is not on my shoulders. I can stop trying to defeat the enemy on my own, and instead rest in the fact that God has already defeated him. I can now walk in the love and freedom He has extended to me through the death of His son on the cross.
In the midst of processing training camp, I also officially became…
FULLY FUNDED!!!!
To everyone that financially supported me, as well as through prayer and words of encouragement, THANK YOU!!
There aren’t enough words to describe how grateful I am to have such an incredible support system. I am in awe of our Lord, the Provider.
Continue to pray for my teammates and squad-mates that are still in the process of fundraising. Now that I am fully funded, please consider donating to those on my squad who are still in need of support!
I love you all dearly.
