We are in Zomba, Malawi right now. We have been going around to different parts of town and sharing the gospel, preaching, sharing testimonies, and praying for healing and life change. That’s what the race is all about right? Sharing the love of God with others, right? Of course. Right?
That is what the race is about, part of it at least. The other part is about me. That may sound selfish…but it is. It is about ‘Amy’ being complexly wrecked, lost of the old, transformed, and molded into someone new. Well, here in Malawi we have entered into the refiner’s fire. Malawi means fire. We have literally entered into the country of God’s fire. The fire that I have walked into is my own personal fire. God is saying…”I don’t like that part of you, let’s draw it out and change you. Amy, you can do better than that. You can serve and love others better than you are.” It is tiring I tell you. I would not change it for anything though.
Every day I have to choose to remain present. My mind is wandering towards the future.” Boy, won’t that be nice to have air conditioning in a few months. I can’t wait to sit on a toilet when I go to the bathroom. I am going to On the Border as soon as I am in Atlanta. I can’t wait to see all my old friends. ” And so on and so on. My mind won’t stop; it is constantly making plans for the future and taking me back to the states. The thing is though; I still have 3 more months. THREE WHOLE MONTHS. That is the amount of time it took God to transform me in Asia. That is the amount of time it took me to fall in love with a nation and recognize my calling. I said the other day it is like I met the love of my life but now I have to keep dating when it comes to Asia and I. If my mind is not going forward it is going back to Asia.
This is where the race has gotten hard for me. God is refining me. He is drawing out more of the Amy that should have never even been there. I have to make a constant choice to remain mentally present here in Africa. I have to choose not to check out for the remainder of the race. The exciting and pretty factor of the race has faded and what remains is the truth. God has called me here. The question is am I going to live everyday in that mentality. I won’t promise you every day I will live in that mentality but the truth is I desperately want to. I want to finish these last three months with the same intensity I had the first three. So today I today I choose.
I choose to trust.
I choose to believe You have me in this exact place for a reason.
I choose to have faith that You will mold me and shape me even more.
I choose You Father.
I choose to love even when I don’t want to.
I choose not to check out.
I choose to remain in the present.
