I came into training camp not expecting anything. The only knowledge I had was that we would be setting and packing up our tents multiple times and that I might lose my stuff for a few days due to a scenario of “The airlines lost your luggage”. I thought I was so smart—I put almost all of my essential belongings into my daypack, thinking the airline couldn’t lose that since technically you’re always carrying it with you. I literally laughed when my daypack was taken and I was left with my big pack. I thought I was so smart—ha. As i was attempting to take a bucket shower in the dark, I just couldn’t help but feel like God really has a sense of humor 🙂
After that scenario, all 45 of us had to sleep on a school bus. I’ll admit, I attempted to fall asleep for about 3 hours without any success. I started watching my clock tick second by second. Watching the moon move ever so slowly up the sky, I was thinking to myself, “I bet this would really classify as mental torture. I wonder if this will have any effect on my mental health…But i will SURVIVE TRAINING CAMP!” A few moments after that thought, I began to hear praying. And then, there was singing. Lightening struck ever so close to the bus. I felt such a peace and love come over me at once. As we lifted our voices, my tiredness and anxiety vanished as we were ushered into the very presence of the Lord. He showed up. People were healed. A river ran down the aisle of the bus, and breeze after breeze washed over us. Our hearts grew closer together. The simplicity and beauty of that night is now a very treasured memory of mine.
There are many other things that went down at training camp—I learned several practical things: A bullfrog’s call sounds like a crazy loud horn or bee’s nest, or if you’re delirious and wake up to it several times, a cow. You can sleep halfway on the ground and survive with no crazy bug bites. Maybe bugs aren’t always out to get you. Except for wasps. They’ll bite you through your clothes. Messages can count for exercise—gotta work the fingers too! If you don’t zip up your rainfly all the way, you might find yourself in an exotic water bed. And it is actually very freeing to go pee in the woods.
Training camp was definitely one of the most stretching weeks of my life, but it was also equally one of the best weeks of my life. I hadn’t really realized that somewhere along the way in my adult years, I lost who I really am in Christ. I had allowed all the hurts, disappointments, scars, and loneliness turn me into someone I am not. Jesus literally wiped my tears, and touched my heart, and set things right in me. I mean literally, I feel like a new person. There was a definite shift.
There were things that He told me through my amazing new friends. That I am like a bumble bee, a lightbulb, a sunset that shines through pollution.
“He likes your silliness and laughter.”
He does? Everyone always seems annoyed by it. I try to hide it. Be quiet for fear of rejection. Just to realize—He has always taken delight in me and has enjoyed me…to feel His pure love for me was other-worldly.
“Be yourself.”
It’s ok to be myself? You want me to be myself Jesus? He likes me just the way I am.
“You are His sunflower.”
I really am precious to Him. He loves me just the way I am. He made me to bring joy and light.
“He is proud of you.”
He has seen all the hard decisions I’ve made. He has seen my tears and struggle, and even though I have had people close to me show disapproval…He doesn’t. He is proud of me. I am His beloved.
I am still that girl who won’t let go of His hand. I am still that girl who is bold and confident. I am that girl who loves Him and loves others with a fierce devotion. I am not controlled by others or any situations, and I know my worth in Him. My heart is utterly safe in His arms. He has given me joy for mourning. He has revived my joyful and tenacious heart.
My….did he really mean it when He said He was going to heal my heart.
Training camp was not only a real encounter with Jesus, challenges, and practical learning. It was also a ton of fun! Every single person on Hsquad is a pure joy. I never felt alone; community living is just terrific. They are like treasures that you finally found and think, “How come we never knew each other beforehand??” I wish I would’ve been able to hear everyone’s story in detail. Im so thankful for my new family! And here we are with our super awesome world rice T-shirts:
And I have a wonderful team of people that I will be living with in 24/7 community, bringing the light of Jesus wherever our feet may land: Team Mosaic. We are all unique but fit together perfectly to make a beautiful mosaic. I feel like we are going to be woven together into such a strong, unbreakable tapestry. I am beyond excited to do life and ministry with them!
So, in trying to wrap this blog up, I would say that training camp was much like a dance.
A beautiful, wild dance with Jesus.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!
Thank you to everyone who took pictures–i didn’t take any of them!
