Exactly two weeks ago, June 2nd, my summer was drastically changed in an instant. I was driving along when a car came out of nowhere and T-boned me in a pretty major accident, resulting in the loss of my car.
My tiny car swirled around from the impact in a doughnut circle until coming to a jolting stop. I touched my throbbing head only to find out I was bleeding, making me nearly pass out. A young Asian man ran out to the scene and said, “Miss, remain calm, sit back. Stay there.” He called 911 and stayed to give a witness report for me. I wish I would’ve thanked him, I vaguely remember his name; I think it was Thao. Shortly after, a police officer, who was Indian (Just couldn’t help notice the irony since I’m about to go to Asia and India lol), helped take care of all the details. It was really quite shocking that my car didn’t flip over or that i wasn’t flown out, considering I may or may not have been wearing my seatbelt..(I am now an avid seatbelt wearer, and am considering a helmet as well lol). But its not so shocking to me, as I honestly recall feeling held down, as if there were angels holding me in place and keeping my car upright and rooted. I firmly believe that.
After looking at the damage, and seeing my window was completely shattered, it was quite amazing that I walked away with only a laceration and concussion. I am beyond thankful that I wasn’t injured worse. But I would be lying if I said my injury has been a walk in the park.
I always thought concussions were something simple, but now I know how traumatic it can be. For the first week I could hardly talk right (had a major stutter), processed extremely slow, and couldn’t walk without falling over.
I cried at everything.
Scene 1-
DR: Did they explain to you at the ER what a concussion is?
Me: “Yeah….:cries: its like…:Cries more: waaaateerr :uncontrollable crying: in.in.a..b-bucket…
Scene 2-
NURSE: Here, just fill out this paper work…–
Me: :Breaks down in tears: Im sorry, I just… d-d-don’t understand wh-what its asking meeee :uncontrollable crying:
The brain fog, mini-seizure-like muscle spasms, fatigue, and anxiety was just awful. I seriously thought I would never get better. I was miserable.
But fast forward two weeks, and I’m REALLY improving. The only real symptoms I have now are headaches and fatigue. Which, I can SO deal with..lol. I’m hoping for a full recovery soon. ^_^ So I can be ready to set off to TRAINING CAAAMP 😀
I can’t explain the feeling I had when I really processed all that happened to me. Although there is always the, “Why did this happen to me?” kind-of feeling, or the “If only I had done this or that differently it wouldn’t have happened”…My overall feeling was just simply…peace.
Let me back up a little. The day before the accident, I was really dealing with a broken heart over a few things in my life, and I was crying out to the Lord, asking Him, “Won’t You help me? I want to be whole again. I want to have no more worldly distractions, but just run after You. Please heal my heart completely.” Upon waking the next morning, I heard the Lord in my spirit as clear as day, say, “I will heal you.” I was simply ecstatic! He heard my prayer, He was going to set things straight in my heart again and bandage my wounds. What better thing than to wake up and hear from the Lord, “I will heal you.”
And then…
The car wreck.
I still don’t fully understand everything in life. Like why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, there’s Job for example. Maybe Satan attacked me and God allowed it, because I’m some awesome saint that will prove that I don’t just love God for what He offers.
There’s Joseph, who was thrown in a pit and sold into slavery by his brothers, then sent to prison for years after being accused wrongly for something he didn’t commit. What a life, right? Why did these things happen to Joseph? He gives an answer in Genesis 45:5-8 (emphasis added), talking to his brothers:
“But now, do not therefore be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here; for God sent me before you to preserve life. For these two years the famine has been in the land, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. And God sent me before you to preserve a posterity for you in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.”
Three times he states, “God sent me”. And again in Genesis 50:20:
“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”
There was a purpose. God was orchestrating it all, so that the world might be saved.
The little book of Jonah has got to be one of my favorite books of the Bible. Jonah was on a ship headed for Tarsus, going the wrong way from God, when the sea started raging and he had to be thrown overboard by the sailors. (Jonah 1:15, “So they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the sea ceased from its raging”). But it’s very obvious, that Jonah knew who it really was that threw him overboard. In chapter 2:3, Jonah says to the Lord, “For You cast me into the deep, Into the heart of the seas..” So who was it that cast Jonah into the sea? Although the men did by their hands, Jonah acknowledges that it was the Lord. The cool thing about Jonah’s story is that he was going to preach repentance to Ninevah, and these people worshipped a fish-man. By Jonah being cast into the sea, having a fish swallow him, and being spit up on shore three days later, it paved the way for the people’s hearts to be extremely receptive and they immediately believed God and repented.
And then there is our beloved Lord Jesus Christ Himself, who endured the pain of the cross. He cried, “My God, My God, Why hast thou forsaken me?”
If you go back to Isaiah chapter 53, which is a prophetic chapter all about Jesus, you find in verse 10 it states, “Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him, He has put Him to grief..” Did you get that?
It literally pleased God the Father to bruise, to crush, His one and only beloved Son Jesus on the cross.
Why? For our sin. So that we can have a way to be together.
So…while I may not understand, I have an absolute peace that God has me in His hand, and that He knows better than I do. I whole-heartedly trust and believe that He is healing me, and that He is using this in my life for a greater good I just don’t know about yet. So I say with the apostle Paul, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I will say, Rejoice!” He is good, He is for me, He is with me, and He is healing me. ^-^
PS. Next week I have an appointment at a place called “PANDA Neurology.” I am just so amused by all the signs Im going to Asia. LOL! Of course, that is, unless I’m 100% better before then! Thanks for all the prayers 🙂
