The tears raced down my cheeks as I choked out the words. It was the first session at debrief, I sat down as I put my head in my arms, weeping. I felt arms on both sides of my back and someone grabbed my hand. I looked up and saw Liz, Erin, and Derek. They had surrounded me. I felt His peace rush over me and my first thought was, “They are my family. I don’t know when it happened but these people are my family.”
I have never felt so much love and support in my life than I have over the last two weeks. Just a little less than two weeks ago after a doctor appointment where I left questioning staying on the race and a phone call with AIM saying they wanted me to pray about it because my health was not in a good place, I wondered what do I do. How do I leave? I prayed. I told my team. They prayed. Test results came back and still no closer to finding out why I am sick. My team fought with me we prayed and fasted last Tuesday. I wanted to stay. I did not want to have to say goodbye to my family. This past Thursday after talking to the doctors, my parents, AIM, my squad leaders, and my team, it was decision time. The peace I had felt all week led me to say these words, “I think the Lord is calling me home. I think I need to go home to get well.” Hardest words ever but this verse and several others have been with me over this period of time.
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” John 14:27 (NASB)
Simply put, I am leaving the race and going home to Texas to figure out why I am still sick. I am heartbroken but know God has big plans for me in sending me home. It’s not something I ever imagined happening or wanted to happen, but it has. I have so much peace about this as does my biological family, Word Race family, and my friends. For this I am thankful, for without His peace I wouldn’t have been able to stand in the Ho Chi Minh airport yesterday saying good-bye to my precious family, they are on to India and now I sit in the Tokyo airport waiting for my flight home. One verse the Lord has brought to mind to both me and my family is Romans 8:28.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (NASB)
I am called to His purpose, not my own. If I had my way I’d be in India at the moment but God is bigger than my way and my plans. He has something beautiful He is piecing together and even if I don’t see it or cannot comprehend it I trust Him more than I trust myself.
To my Supporters, Thank You. Thank you for your love, support, grace, encouragement, and prayers. Thank you for trusting God and believing in me. I hate that I am not finishing the race, I wish I could but my health will not allow it. I love you all and am so grateful for your support. I will have at least one more blog talking about my time overseas. God bless you all!
To my S Squad, I LOVE YOU! And I MISS YOU! And THANK YOU! You are all my family. I don’t know when or how it happened but y’all are, and I am forever grateful to the Lord for bringing you all in my life. I know we had our ups and downs but we pushed through. I am praying and fasting for y’all. I will be fighting for you in Texas. Have fun these last four months, press in, have the tough talks (that we all avoid), and I will see you guys when all y’all get home! I’m sorry for not pressing in all the time and not having the hard talks even when I knew I should. I love you guys! Missing you already!
To Team Mannafest, where do I even begin, my first team, I love y’all. I’m so glad we fought it out. I’m so thankful for Honduras and all we went through there. I love how we find each other still when the squad is together. You’re my family (never thought I’d say that). I know we’re no longer a team but keep seeking each other out, keep fighting for one another and loving each other well. Press in with your new teams. Remember it’s easy to remember the fun times and not the hard times (aka the entire month of Honduras) but fight for your new teams, love each other and seek one another out. (It’s so weird writing that but for real we know it’s true!!)
To Team Remnant, Girls I love y’all! So thankful for our all girls team and what that taught me. I am so thankful for what I learned in the Philippines. You are all amazing. I’m sorry for not being as present that month as much as I should have been. Forgive me. Thank you for investing in our relationships. Thanks for the hard talks. I am praying for all of you! I know each of you is a world changer and I cannot wait to see how God moves.
To Team (…) aka Ellipses, the last three months have been real. I know the road wasn’t easy and I know things didn’t work out like we had expected. I love you all! Y’all have challenged me in ways I never thought possible. Keep having the hard conversations, don’t avoid them. Seek each other out! Fight for one another. Have fun! I love you all so freakin’ much! I’m going to miss you. I’m praying for you and fasting for you!
