Many people have an idealistic view of missionaries and the lives they lead. I have heard people say things like, “You get to travel all over the world. Missionaries have such cool lives! You are such a good person. Missionaries must be really spiritual.”
Being a missionary does not mean you have life all figured out. I’ve met many missionaries and this may surprise you, but they are just human. They are just like you and me. Being a missionary doesn’t make you a “super Christian” or any more righteous than anyone else. I’ve met missionaries who have very healthy relationships, raise their children in a God honoring way, show others the love of Christ, and are truly seeking the will of God in their lives.
I’ve also met missionaries who have floundering ministries or seemingly no ministry, don’t raise their families well, are cynical, don’t show love to others, or are on the mission field for the wrong reasons. Most missionaries fall into both categories. We all have areas we need to work on whether others see them or not.
I am one of those missionaries. This past month I struggled a lot! I hit a mid race funk. After 6 months I have just been tired. I’m tired of doing ministry everyday. I’m tired of having people around me all the time. I’m tired of sleeping on a blown up pillow, hard beds, or the floor. I’m tired of trying to grow spiritually. I’m tired of being intentional. This month all I’ve wanted is to sit around and watch movies all day long.
I started off this month not feeling at all like myself. I was bitter, angry, and frustrated for no reason, or for ridiculous reasons. I felt ashamed at my feelings and thought I was being selfish. Maybe I was to a degree at times. My teammate Chris reminded me to give myself grace. He said, “If God is not beating you up, then why are you beating yourself up?” God wasn’t shaming me. I was shaming myself. He knew exactly what I needed. He gave us a few days of rest due to a Mongolian national holiday and space to deal with my negative emotions.
Being a missionary doesn’t mean you have a perfect family, spiritual life, ministry, etc. We all have our issues and have to remember to give each other grace. I’m still not all hunky dory and still have my sin issues and days when I just want to sit around and watch movies. I have to remind myself to choose joy and selflessness daily. Some days it is harder than others.
I would simply ask that you give missionaries grace and really give all people grace. We don’t have it all together. We are real people with really struggles. Fortunately, we have a loving God who understands this and has taken care of us.
