As I am going to be home in a few days, I start to think about this past year. If I were to only have a phrase for the past year, I would have to say it was an “unbelievable change”.
That phrase means a few different things.
One: Physical Change
Over the past year, my physical home has looked different each month. Some months it was my wonderful tent that was my only space I had to myself. Or maybe it was sharing a room with 12 other girls. Or what about living in a bed with two others next to me, talk about getting close really quickly haha. Anyways, physical home has been changing constantly. Oh and the weight changes. Let’s be real, it happens to us all. Haha! Sometimes I would think I wouldn’t see the next meal, so I would eat everything in sight. (haha don’t worry I got that one under control now, God has supplied me with all my meals this year)
Two: People Change
Not only do the hosts change, but teams change as well. Each one of my teams have been my family for months and then they just split the teams. But that doesn’t mean we are not family. All 49 of my other squad members have been my family over the past year. They have been there when I wanted to quit, when I was pissed, when I wanted to cry, when I just needed a hug, and when I needed to be called out. They have been there for me and are still there for me today.
Three: Spiritual Change
I feel like each month consisted of the Lord teaching me something new. Some months felt really dry and others where so full. I feel like I have changed spiritually the most. I don’t think you can do the Race and not experience the Lord in an incredible way. I will have to actually talk to you about this one because I would fill up so many pages trying to explain how.
Change has become my “normal”. It isn’t living in a comfortable bed and having a huge wardrobe. Normal is living on a few outfits, bopping around to all different types of beds, and eating all the foods.
Normal is not the normal I used to know.
Is any of this a bad thing?
Of course not!!!! It is the best thing!
Change means you’re relying more and more on the Lord. During my seasons of change, I have seen a clearer picture of why the Lord has called me to do certain things. Change also had meant feeling uncomfortable 99% of the time. But those times lead to relying fully on the Lord and seeing Him work in wondrous ways.
Am I ready to come home?
The thought of coming home arises a lot of mixed emotions.
I am so freaking excited to see everyone and eat some American food that is good and not just pasta every night.
But if I am being honest, I am also really nervous. I am nervous I am going to be seen as this Saint, which let me tell you now that I am FAR from a Saint. I am nervous of what it will feel like to walk into a store with enormous amounts of things. I am nervous about everyone speaking English around me. I am nervous I am going to feel overwhelmed quite often. I am nervous of what my transition will look like and how it will effect the people around me.
I am telling you this to be prepared. To be prepared to have patience and understanding. To know that when I need a moment alone, everything is fine, I just need a second. To know I want to hang out with you, but I may need some time. To know that I have missed you, but you may have to initiate the first hang out. To not have expectations of who I am now. To just love me where I am.
Home.
Home is only a few days. Home is seeing my family at the airport and hugging them. It is talking to people in person and not just through Skype. It is getting to hear about YOUR last year. I do not want for it to all be about me. You have been through a year of your life as well. If I asked you, “How was your past year?” How would you answer that?
Home is feeling loved by ones that knew you before your breakthrough and will love you after.
I am very excited to see you all and I cannot wait to hear about your year! Please join me with praying for my whole squad family and the transitions and big changes that are about to come our way.
