The past month or so has been a complete emotional rollercoaster. There have been many aspects of my life that has been ending gradually over this past month. I graduated from the University of Memphis with a double major of Professional Studies with a concentration in Child Development as well as Liberal Studies with a concentration in Religion in Society.
Not only has my College career ended, I moved out of an apartment that I had been living in for the past three years with some amazing roomies. Each of them have helped mold me into the person I am today. But I did get to become a roomie with my parents, brother and twin. Although I miss living with some of my best friends, it is great to be home with the family and get to spend time with them!
College ended, I moved back home and then I finished being a leader with the Young Life ministry I had been volunteering with for the past three years! I am forever grateful for the Young Life experience I have had. I got to grow with some amazing high school girls that are graduating this year! There have been many ups and downs, but overall, it has been such a life changer for me. I would not have been pushed, challenged, loved and encouraged in my walk with the Lord without that ministry and my team. I have laughed and cried my hardest with my team that has only grown us closer and I will miss leading with them this upcoming year!
Then, I am wrapping up my last week at my job at the Campus Bookstore. I have been working there since Freshman year. My relationships I have had at the Bookstore are precious to me that will make it hard to say goodbye to. Some of my coworkers have been there to listen to all of my highs and lows throughout the past four years and am so very thankful for the chance to work with each of them.
That is four things that have ended that have been a major part in my life for the past few years. Oh did I forget to mention that I now have to get ready to leave for 11 months. Guys, it has been a hard month and I think I have cried the most in the past few weeks then I have in the past year.
Although life is crazy right now, life is also so sweet! I get to live with my family that I love dearly! I get the chance to get ready to meet my team that will become family for 11 months. I also get to prepare for the wildest adventure yet! Yes, life is changing, but there are many sweet moments interwoven throughout it as well.
The Lord has been very sweet to me throughout this crazy time when I feel lonely, guilty, shameful and broken. He has brought people throughout it to love on me and encourage me! Psalms 51 has been my jam lately through this season:
Generous in love—God, give grace!
Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I’ve been;
my sins are staring me down.
You’re the One I’ve violated, and you’ve seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I’ve been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you’re after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.
Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I’ll let loose with your praise.
Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
Make Zion the place you delight in,
repair Jerusalem’s broken-down walls.
Then you’ll get real worship from us,
acts of worship small and large,
Including all the bulls
they can heave onto your altar!
There have been many doors that have been closing, but many more that the Lord has been opening! Oh and how completely humbled I have been with all the support I have received throughout this whole process! Thank you to each and every one of you who has supported and encouraged me! I could not do any of this without you! Love you all!
