SMACK!!
That is the sound my hand made when it landed on my face after I realized just how much money I had to fundraise for this trip. (Which is $16,266 to be exact, not including supplies I need to get…or shots).
When it first dawned on me that I would be made responsible for coming up with that kind of green when I don’t even make that in a year, I had a small but intense panic attack. One minute I was riding on a wave of God’s goodness and faithfulness through my acceptance onto the race and the next I was wallowing in self-doubt. I immediately felt the weight of the situation I was in and how much energy I was going to have to invest to make this mission trip happen.
My mindset was “God, if you want this to happen, you are going to need to give me the energy to work as much/do as many fundraisers as I can to make this race happen”. WRONG.
Isn’t it funny how quickly we can lose sight of God’s intention to walk with us through the ENTIRE process. I started to try and depend on my own strength and through doing so, started put this whole experience into a limited box. When the truth is, this WHOLE picture of me going on this trip, meeting new people and cultures and sharing the gospel with so many people that I will grow to love and care for with stories and testimonies all of their own…this WHOLE PICTURE is bigger that I could ever understand or try to control in the first place.
I can’t handle my circumstances. I need to depend on God. I need to depend on the truth in His Word. I need to surrender all of this to Him with trust that it will all work out in His timing. Which is exactly why I believe the Lord placed me in them, so I can walk in dependence on Him. Not relying on the independent, powerless strength of myself.
Just like when we are learning to walk our parents don’t just help us stand, wish us “good luck, kid” and then leave the room. God is walking with us, so excited and cheering us on with arms wide open, ready to catch us when our wobbly legs aren’t yet strong enough. He helps us through the process.
Zephaniah 3:1 says that :
“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”
(*side note: I apologize for being loose with context application, it just fits) 😉
So at first, I was very hesitant in even bringing up the topic of fundraising to people. I always had the fear that every time I were to bring it up it would just come across as “hey, wanna give me money so I can travel around the world for a year”. But through encouragement and affirmation that no matter how awkward or how much I don’t want to do it, God has called people to GIVE just as much as He has called me to ASK. SEE! the picture is still much bigger that my situation. He is using this experience to grow others(you!) just as much as He intends to grow me. So, whether I like it or not, I better get really comfy with that f-word. Fundraising.
In Philippians 4:6 and 7, Paul writes that we “should not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition and with thanks, present these requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. ”
I know God. I trust God. He is a good God.
and I know He will meet ALL of my needs.
GOD PROVIDES.
Even the needs I’m not aware of yet.
and this is true of every believer!
Praying for you all, and that you hear God speak in your life this week!
I love you all and thank you so much!
More to come soon! 🙂
P.S. In God’s faithfulness, He provided a pack for me through my roommate from a previous mission trip of hers. AH! Is our Father AMAZING or what!!
