“I imagine that yes is the only living thing.” -E.E. Cummings
Why are we doing this?
Are you sure you want to go here?
You want me to do WHAT?
What about this other person instead?
Much of my first four months in Europe, I spent questioning God. If I’m being honest with myself, most of my life I’ve constantly questioned God.
Like most messy things in my life, this is a pride problem, but God was gracious enough to let me question Him until He decided enough was enough. When it came time at the beginning of the new year to leave one continent and prepare for the next I was more than ready or so, I thought.
journal entry: 28 December 2015 entitled “let go”
“…give yourself to the One who makes all things new..
the One who redeems, restores, and loves.
surrender once again. walk in identity and calling and life.
this is what you’re created for, this is your destiny.
to live in communion, to live a life of worship
for the most deserving of all…”
As I began asking Jesus for His vision for the upcoming continent, Africa, I wasn’t liking what I was hearing. He was steady notching at my pride and I was fighting Him at every turn. Eventually, I relented. Jesus wanted just three months of my agreement to blindly say yes when He beckoned. He didn’t want my yes when I finally decided He was worth trusting or when I thought it to death long enough and relented to just saying yes halfheartedly. He wanted three months of blind, wholehearted yes because His daughter trusts Him more than anything else. He wanted every part of me. He wanted surrender.
I said,
“okay, Lord. Let’s do it. You and me. Its all I’ve got. Yes and amen.”
Of course, what does He say?
“That’s more than enough. You are enough.
My grace is sufficient for your yes.”
As we began month five, there was so much new everywhere I turned.
New team, new country, new continent, NEW.
All this new meant plenty of opportunities to truly begin walking out my new commitment to Jesus. Before I knew it, I was in my first day of ministry in Zambia saying yes to the Lord as we walked the muddy streets of the impoverished Matero village. Kids surrounded us shouting “muzungo!” (white people) and people were more than aware of our presence. Throughout the three to four hours we spent stopping to share and pray with people, I experienced the Holy Spirit in a whole new way. He was giving me specific words and stories for people as we met them because I was keeping my end of the deal to say yes.
Because He is good.
This overflow wasn’t sheerly restricted to ministry. It began leaking onto my friendships within our team. We went to Victoria Falls on one of our adventure weekends. Theres bungee jumping, white water rafting, gorge swings, and many other options for exhilarating thrills. The gorge swing offers a tandem option and right away my friend Leighton jumped at the opportunity to ask me if I’d do it with her. I was thrilled to say yes, momentarily, but as the yes drew closer, my skepticism was creeping in. I thought I found a loophole this time because it appeared as though it was out of my budget. I told Leighton I couldn’t afford it, but alas, she knew a loophole that I was unaware of. Through our hostel, we got a discount.
So, onto the gorge swing I go.
[gorge swing is hanging out here.]
As silly as it sounds, falling backwards from that 75 meter drop was the most tangible yes I could have to truly solidify my love to the Lord.
I experienced Jesus and had a love encounter with Him in that Victoria Falls gorge.
And I haven’t said no to the Lord since.
