In this weird deja vu twilight zone kind of place being back here in Uganda. Same place, different everything.
I'm staying in Mukono working with a church again…three's company and three African revivals-one in each country we've been=exhausting. I know I'm thankful to be here on the race, and how dare I complain about anything because I've been given much- but I've got to be honest that this whole gig is a struggle for me lately and a lot o' times I feel like I'm failing.
Don't get me wrong-we have a great family we're staying with-great place-best food of Africa yet-awesome people-great team-etc… it's just me, which is unnerving because the last time I was in Uganda was as difficult as finding alone time on this world race-it was such a struggle. I always expected to come back here and when I did, I'd be perfectly victorious- I'd be fixed, and it would be redemption at it's best…. I'm learning that I'm wrong a lot and as much as I hear to have no expectations, I feel like they're inevitably unavoidable.
I think I know what I need to do, it's just that I'm letting my feelings get the best of me. I know that God is greater than my heart- I just need to get up and walk.
This isn't an S.O.S, and I don't mean to sound like a bummer, but it's just some truth that the world race isn't just close encounters of the third kind adventurous all the time- it's actually confusing to me that I'm struggling so much because I'm surrounded by more of God than ever, the best community I could ask for, and amazing Africans- so I feel like it should be easier than this for me to overcome myself.
On a good note, because I don't deserve to get to do this still, I got to go back to Luzira prison today and visit my friends I worked with. It was such a kick in the head to hear them talk about their faith after all they go through and have been through-pretty challenging considering where I feel like I'm at right now.
