Hello all!!! I know it has been a while since my last personal post, so I am going to share with you some things that God and I have been working on, some of my rough edges the Master’s hand has been busy sanding down.
THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY!!!!!!
It is hard to choose just one!
I have been learning about trust;
I have been learning about surrender;
I have been learning to let go;
(I know these all sound the same… On the surface they are synonyms, but in depth they are SO very different)
I have been learning about Joy;
And I have been learning about stairs.
Yes.
Stairs I said.
Story time 🙂
Once upon a time, in a land far but not VERY far away, there was a world race team curled up in their bunks, wrapped in their sheets, eyes closed enjoying their sleep in the sweet breeze of the oscillating fan in the corner. The light from Bre’s Mac illuminated her corner of the room since she fell asleep mid- movie. Laura smiled sweetly in her slumber; at what? No one knows. Each racer had retreated into the recesses of her pillow and into her subconscious; all but one.
All but me.
Staring at the ceiling I lay awake, after a long day of hard work, my body exhausted but, try as I might, completely unable to sleep.
The hamster on the wheel in my mind must have been training for a marathon or trying to drop a few dress sizes because my thoughts were running rampant. 
Thoughts about what?
The future.
So many thoughts about my post-race life were filing in, not one after another, but in a huge jumbled mess all at once…
Where will I teach?
Do I still want to do Grad School?
What grade should I teach?
Will I be able to dance?
Where will I live?
What about the family business?
I could stay with my parents for a while.
I wonder if I could get approved for a small business loan.
I need to leave room for travel…
What should I even go to Grad School for?
When should I start working?
I could stay with Alexis.
How long will it take for me to pay that off?
What about my cats?
Taxes?
A family?
Missions?
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
All these questions and so many more asked with the ring of panic of the central question:
What am I going to do with my life?
It felt like I was in the Lion King…
I was sitting under the tree in the gorge and I baby roared: What do I want?
I roared a little louder: What does God want?
Then I roared at the top of my lungs:
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?
Just then ground beneath my feet began to tremble as an entire herd of buffalo sized questions began to run straight towards me!
I could almost picture Zazu flying in a panic to Mufasa
“THERES A STAMPEDE IN THE GORGE!
And AMBER’S DOWN THERE!!!!!!”
I was being trampled.
My thoughts kept me up late into the night and my following days were full of anxiety…
Because I didn’t have a PLAN for my future.
God has given me so many passions.
There are so many things I feel CALLED to…
How do I CHOOSE?!
Can I somehow manage to find room for it all??!!
If so, I need to plan that out NOW to make sure nothing gets left out…
Right?
WRONG.
I realized how unhealthy this anxiety was, and how it was pulling me away from where I am NOW.
I heard God whisper “one step at a time”
This lullaby was the only tune that could get me to sleep that week.
“He will show me one step at a time…
And I can make that decision when it comes”
“I don’t need to know NOW.”
By repeating these and finding refuge in scripture, day by day, my anxiety was alleviated.
My Mufasa, with these reassurances, had picked me up by the nape of my neck from the hooves of the wildabeasts and cradled me in the safety of the trust of The Fathers embrace…
One afternoon the team and I walked to the church for youth ministry. Upon arrival Laura looks at the gigantic hill behind the building and says “Jaime says we HAVE to go up there before we leave. Apparently the view is beautiful. “
I looked at this hill …
If the slope were any steeper it would be a cliff face …
If it had been any higher I would have called it a mountain…
I was in my flip flops
It was muddy…
It would obviously be a challenge…
“LETS DO IT”
I said.
Would it be easy? No.
But would it be worth it?
Absolutely.
Starting at the bottom of the hill I thought… Should I make a game plan? How will I climb? Should I go straight up? If so, what will be the best path?
I saw nothing.
In all the grass I could not see what was steepest, where was most level, where ALL the good footholds were…
So I decided to begin at the best STARTING PLACE
and from there… Take it ONE STEP AT A TIME- trusting that I can figure it out, step by step…
One foot after the other I found footholds…
I dodged cow poo…
I tripped a bit…
Sometimes I had to use my hands…
My flip flops got slippery in the mud so I took them in my hands and went barefoot…
I accepted the challenge and adapted to each situation… Right foot… Then left foot…
Then…
About 1/3 of the way up the hill…
I found myself on a staircase…
This stair case was carved out of the hill, zig zagging up the best way to ascend… Not too steep… Not too flat.
Was it still a challenge? Yes
There were still rocks to step over.
There were still rough patches.
There was still poo to dodge…
But the path was clear… And led me to my goal… Victory at the top of the hill.
and worth it, it was!
Sometimes God presents us with life’s mountains to climb…
Sometimes we may not see the top or what awaits you…
And we may not know what path to take to get there…
We must learn to stare into the face of that mountain… Accept the challenge and exclaim “LETS DO IT.”
Find a good starting point…
Take it one step at a time; dodging life’s piles of poo.
Occasionally we may trip, sometimes we may have to crawl… But we can trust that God will provide us a staircase.
Will all our problems be solved? Will we have an ESCALATOR?! No.
In the wise words of Hannah Montana (RIP)… It’s all about the climb!!!
But when you are on the right track… He will let you know … He will provide …
Do I know where I am going? No
Do I know how to get there? No
But I know I am exactly where I supposed to be RIGHT NOW…
and the rest will be revealed in time.
