Spiritual Journey Pt. 2
The World Race staff has a vision for their racers… they hope, wish and pray that by the end of the year we will become a people that are UN-OFFENDABLE.
What is un-offendable, you ask?
In life, we are taught that people are jerks, that sometimes they do things against you. If someone says something that hurts your feelings, it is the speakers fault that you are hurt.
We are learning quite the opposite… yes, sometimes people are jerks, but that doesn’t mean the world is against you. If something someone says offends you… the likely cause is that there is already a sore spot or a wound that the persons words accidentally poked. A string that was accidentally plucked; a hurt that has now been revisited.
The process of becoming “Un-Offendable”… is, in lou of blaming the other person for hurting you, searching your heart “Why did that offend me?” “Why did that person’s words hurt?” “What PREEXISTING HURT did those words poke, that I have yet to seek healing over?”
And then… pushing into that hurt, nurturing that wound, talking about it if necessary, forgiving the present “offender” and most importantly, forgiving the “offender” of the past.
and if we do this enough… we search out all of our wounds to heal… until there are no wounds left, leaving us with no sore spots to poke, and therefore being un-offendable.
I had NO IDEA how many wounds I had lurking around just waiting to be poked.
As I began opening up to my team and my squad, being open, honest and for once being myself… I began to be offended multiple times daily, and when I felt offended, I let the feelings graduate to feeling disrespected… which graduated to feeling unappreciated…
these feelings tempted me to again withdraw into my fortress of solitude… “If they won’t listen anyway, I just wont say anything.” “My opinion doesn’t matter, so I just wont share it.” “My advice isn’t wanted, I will cease to give it.”
Then those thoughts led to bitterness and when I felt disrespected… I retaliated with being snide…
One day, when Renee was taking us shopping for our boots and equipment for digging (The man took 7 girls SHOE SHOPPING… he is a brave soul… and took it like a champ) I suggested we get gloves, since we would be digging and such… the response “I don’t think we will need them.” from one of the girls.
“I’ve dug before, and we WILL get blisters.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“Well I personally would like to swing by somewhere to get some gloves please.”
“We will get you some” Said Katelyn, our squad leader.
Later when we were leaving the market with our boots, we began to walk, and I heard something about gloves…
“Are we going to get gloves?” I asked
“I don’t know. I think are going back to the hospital.” was the response.
“SOOO we aren’t going to get gloves? I really wanted some”
“Renee said they are at the hardware store.”
“Well I don’t know where that is, and I can’t go alone.” – I said trying not to tear up, feeling that nobody cared, and sounding very very very bitter
“OK we need to talk,” Said Katelyn, and she pulled me aside “I don’t know why you are responding this way, but when you speak with attitude like that I really don’t feel loved.”
YOU DONT FEEL LOVED? i thought… I JUST GOT COMPLETELY BLOWN OFF
“I’m sorry?” I said
“I told you we would get you your gloves, do you not trust me?”
“Well we aren’t going are we?”
“So you don’t think your team is going to take care of you?”
“Honestly no, I don’t.”
“I can tell you that your team wants to take care of you, but you are making it very hard for them to. You act as though they OWE YOU.”
“I guess I feel like if I would do something for THEM, I can expect them to do the same for ME.”
She responded “WHY DON’T YOU TRUST THEM TO LOVE YOU?”
and that is when I realised… the group we were following at a distance were turning into a hardware store to pick up gloves.
Why didn’t I trust them?
Why did I automatically assume that they didn’t care? The girl who answered the question of where we were going said that she didn’t know… and I assumed the worst of my team.
I reflected over the situation for a while… then, after we got home, I picked up my copy of “Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World.”
The author shared how she used to play with scales as a child…
“But my mothers brass scales are not the only set of balances I’ve paid undue attention to in my life. I suspect that’s true for you, too. Since childhood we’ve had an invisible set that weighs what happens to us against what others experience.
Growing up, for instance, we weight how our parents treated us by the way they treated our siblings. “Julie has two more Ju-Ju Fruits than I do!” “Daddy, it’s my turn to sit in the front seat.”
That’s just a part of childhood, of course. But many of us have carried the scales into adulthood, unaware, and we waste surprising amounts of time trying to get those scales to balance.
Fair or not fair. Equal or unequal. Just or unjust. We weigh it all. And if we’re not careful, our view of the world can become distorted. EVERY LITTLE WORD CAN TAKE ON A HIDDEN MEANING. EACH ACTION CAN TURN INTO A PERSONAL ATTACK.
Just like grandma’s glass grapes, these “sour grapes” can easily outweigh everything good in our lives, tipping the scales against us. because when we LOOK for injustice, WE USUALLY FIND IT. And when we expect life to always be fair, we inevitably set ourselves up for a big disappointment.”
This really spoke to me.
“For lack of wood the fire goes out.
and where there is no whisperer,
quarelling ceases”
-Proverbs 26, 20
So I stopped weighing; I stopped feeding the fire in my mind that they wouldn’t care, before they had a chance to prove that they did.
I stopped looking for my self-diagnosed “injustice” and I stopped finding it. As I stopped finding it, I began to see the true hearts of my team and squad, because I could see past my own bitterness, assuming the best of their true intentions. My snide, pride and self-pity faded away, making me much more approachable as a person, and a much larger asset to my team.
This time I was holding back something different, I was reigning in my love. I was terrified of giving it without reciprocation… so I looked for reciprocation… without first giving.
“Like clouds and wind without rain
is one who boasts of a gift never given.”
-Proverbs 25, 14
Today (Not knowing I was working on this blog post already) Jenny said to me:
“I feel like… from the beginning of the month to now… you have turned a complete 180. With the snippyness before… to now… I just feel like you have grown so much… like we are finally getting to know the REAL AMBER… it’s almost like… you are LETTING US LOVE YOU… the way you are. And we do.” -Jenny <3
SO
My Challenge:
Become UNOFFENDABLE
Life becomes so much sweeter.
Also,
While reading this book “HAVING A MARY HEART IN A MARTHA WORLD” by Joanna Weaver, I am constantly thinking of all the wonderful hardworking women back home that husstle and busstle about like Martha did in the kitchen… but have a hard time stopping long enough to simply sit at the feet of Jesus.
Ladies! READ THIS BOOK.
If right now you are thinking “I would never find the time to read …”
then I am talking SPECIFICALLY to YOU.
DO IT
It will change your life.
10/1/14
