Fear.
I have lived in fear that if something makes me happy or brings me comfort, God will take it away. He will take it away to prove something. To show me that I only need Him, that His love is enough.
Identity.
One of the main things that attracted me to Jesus when I was 14. I longed to be something, someone. But when I became a Christian, I missed it still. Instead of being me, a unique daughter with unique and beautiful skills, passions and desires, I put on the identity of a “Super Christian”. Even though I was doing “Christian” things, it was just as empty and unsatisfying as the others. I disregarded my desires and spiritual giftings and instead put on the life of a “Super Christian”. I pursued this identity to the fullest. In high school, college, and even after college, whatever a Christian was “supposed” to do, I did it. If I’m honest, that’s part of the reason I’m on the World Race; because the “serious Christians” spend at least a year or two overseas after college.
Now until a month ago, I had no idea I was doing this. But something stirred in my spirit when I saw people pursuing Jesus AND were joyful. Anger and jealously would rise to the surface when I saw people loving their life AND in intimate relationship with the Father. This didn’t make sense to me and it seemed unfair. Why?
Because without realizing it, I had been walking in a lie of what it meant to be a missionary and what it meant to follow Jesus. I thought being a Christian meant you had to reject everything you loved, found comfort in, and enjoyed, and trade it in for a life of suffering.
So between these two lies, I found myself in quite a mess. For years, I have been pursuing the Lord and greater intimacy with these two lies rotting in my heart. It took 5 months of abandonment to finally dig these things up. This revelation is only the beginning of a journey with my Dad into greater truth and intimacy with Him. There are many lies to dispel and (praise God) a lot of truth to discover, but I am now walking in greater light than I was before.
The truth God has taught me thus far has already given me a new sense of freedom, identity and trust with Him. I am more in love with my Father than I was a month ago! To God be the glory! Enjoy some of the truth the Lord has been revealing to me this past month 🙂
Within the Church, we have constructed molds for Christians. Two molds I have tried to fit in are “Super Christian” and “Missionary”. These molds are man-made and they tell Christians who to be and what their life should look like. When I went to college, there were smaller molds that fit in the larger mold:
​Popular Christian, known and liked by everyone in Campus Crusade
Hipster Christian that hangs out at coffee shops downtown
These “identities” may cause some of you to laugh who know me and that’s fine, but they are true. These identities are traps that I fell into during my Christian walk, believing this is what it was all about, trying to fill the mold laid out for me.
But when we put on these identities, God is not glorified.
I can be doing lots of “Christian” things, but if I am not living out the image of God placed inside of me, He is not receiving the glory. When I am being anyone other than who the Lord made me to be, even a “Super Christian”, God is not glorified and I will never be satisfied.
God wants me to be who He made me to be! Not to try and fit some mold of what other people think I should do or what a “Super Christian Missionary” does! The gifts, skills, desires, and passions I enjoy are there for a reason! I will find joy AND God will be glorified by His daughter being who she was made to be!
The image of God is woven into my unique skills, passions, and desires. When I walk in those giftings and passions, God gets the glory!
Freedom! I can be who I long to be, who God made me to be! I don’t have to be anyone else! The quote that I heard long ago from John Piper is suddenly coming to life: “God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him!”
Eric Little was an Olympic runner made famous through the movie “Chariots of Fire”. Eric went on to be a missionary and was then killed in the Japanese concentration camps during WW2. Before he became a missionary, he had a lot of people telling him what to do with his life. I’m sure these people loved him, but many people were trying to put Eric in a box of who he should be and what he should do. Eric, however, knew His identity and was confident in the gifts and passions the Lord has given him, primarily running. Therefore when people would talk to Eric about filling His life with typical “good, Christian” activities, Eric would respond:
“God made me fast, I feel His pleasure when I run.”
Eric knew who the Lord made him to be and he was confident in that. And more than that, Eric knew that pleasure awaited him when he was where the Lord wanted him to be. When he was doing what he loved and was made to do, God was pleased and Eric shared in that pleasure with his Father.
Stay tuned for one more blog post on what this means for you!
