Six weeks into the World Race and it still feels like a dream. Most mornings I wake up confused as to where I am, expecting to be home in America. We are reaching the point in the Race when reality hits that this isn’t a short-term trip and we won’t be going home anytime soon. Even though I knew the length of the trip when I applied, there was no way to wrap my mind around it until now.
Living in Nepal has been awesome. We live with such a sweet family, I love hiking through the Himalayas talking with people about Jesus, the community with my team gets better and better each day, and this past week I got to bungee jump 525 feet off a bridge in Northern Nepal! But even with all these great things, the Race is by no means easy.
Most days, I experience some level of discomfort living life in places that are so different than what I’m used to. Physically, things can be uncomfortable living with mosquitoes and every other kind of bug imaginable, no air conditioning to escape the heat, sleeping on the floor with my possessions scattered in a corner, hiking 5-6 hours daily, and squatting every time I use the restroom. Emotionally, things can be difficult away from family and the community that knows me so well, living with people from all different backgrounds and ways of life, and in constant transition to new places, new ways of life, and new places to call “home”. However, the discomfort I experience runs much deeper than this. Things in my heart and mind are being challenged that have never been touched before. Areas of life that have grown numb from years of comfort are being irritated and questions that never had to be asked before, beckon my attention daily.
As I experience discomfort, there are times when I want to pack up my bags and head home to the life I can control and the physical comforts I enjoy, away from the unanswered questions and lingering thoughts. But even the other day as I walked in discomfort, missing things from home, I was reminded of the grace I was being shown in that moment. The Lord has me on a journey, risking and sacrificing what is “good” and “comfortable” for what is “best” and “abundant”. This journey has me pressing into new things, actually taking Jesus at His word, and relying on Him to be God since there is no other option but to trust Him. My heart and God’s heart are put to the test everyday to see what is true and pure.
Up until eight months ago, I thought I had the Christian life down pat. I went about my days checking things off the list, doing what needed to be done to pursue Jesus and live my life according to the example He set. The best way to describe it is that I was over or in charge of my “Christianity”. I was the one in control in the relationship. I stood over scripture, interpreting it to match up with what I already believed, and unconsciously limited God thinking I had most of Him figured out. But since then, there has been a dramatic change in the order of things. I now humble myself under God, experiencing greater intimacy with Him than ever before, in complete awe of His mysteries and infinite nature with so much more to be discovered. He alone is my teacher; it is not up to me to conjure up good ideas or work so that scripture matches up with what is “comfortable”. The Spirit is teaching me how to pray and how to listen to God’s voice, knowing He has something to say. I go with my Father to work everyday, ministering to and loving His lost sons and daughters, led by the Spirit when I act and speak instead of counting on my good words or personal convictions to make something happen. It is a total reversal of how I thought things worked.
So as I type this laying on the floor of a Nepalese church, with mosquitoes covering my computer and beetles buzzing around my ears, I desire more. The Lord began a good work in me nine years ago and He has promised not to stop until it is completed. And while the temptation to run to comfort can be great at times, I have tasted too much of Jesus to give up. Everyday, the Father beckons me to more; I can’t stop now.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust. You have multiplied O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told!” Psalm 40: 1-5
