On the 22nd of November, I sang worship songs at a South African funeral. An aunt of Malcolm, one of our contacts, passed aways suddenly a few days prior and he asked to see if some of us would sing for it. Four of us: Francis, Marian, Michelle & I said we would.
Malcolm's aunt, Ronel, was 45 years old. She left behind a husband, Clive, and three children: 15, 9 & 3. Death is always a terrible thing, but to leave behind three children, one so young that they won't remember their mother at all, is a tragedy.
As funeral's go, it was pretty traditional: mourning family members, songs, eulogy, sermon, viewing, and so on. There were, however, some differences. The viewing took place at home. It started at 9:45 in the morning when the casket was brought in. The lid was opened and those who had been strong and fighting back tears couldn't do so once they saw Ronel: wife, mother, sister, aunt and friend, for the first time after her passing. Tears were cried, some loudly some quietly and reserved as they stood in shock, the reality of her passing hitting the wall around their hearts and minds but not yet breaking it.
During the viewing, friends and family placed cotton balls around Ronel's face, a gentle farewell. I'm unsure why they do this though I imagine it's a way to comfort the body. My team was facilitating an atmosphere of worship in the home. We played guitar, sang, and hummed allowing the family to mourn together.
During this time, Clive was so stoic, being strong for his children. it was when saying their final goodbyes that his stoic facade began to crumble away. The kids started sobbing and I almost lost it. It's hard to watch a family go through the grieving process, even if you are just a by standard and have no emotional attachment to the family.
After the visitation, the body, family and friends traveled to a nearby church for a service. During the service, the 9 year old got up and read an essay about her mom. She talked about how she was her best friend and she is really going to miss her; all with a stony face void of emotion. Emotion was high in the church as the family continued to take in the loss of one of their own.
The hard thing about death is that it hits people differently. It hits me differently than others and it's a process. For some a really difficult one. I really enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy because the storyline is so applicable in many situations. Like this::
Lexie: Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
Mark: It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change.
Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
Izzie: That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive.
Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.
Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it.
Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
Callie: And let it go when we can.
Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again.
Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
Please pray for the Soobramoney family. For the three children who lost their mother. For Clive who lost his wife & best friend. For the family that will never again be the same.
Pray for guidance, peace, hope, joy, and happiness. Pray that Clive will be able to provide for his kids, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Pray for unity and love to abound in the house, for God to be glorified and lifted up and for their world to get better every moment.
