It's so easy to get caught up in myself.
To focus on how I feel, or how I don't feel at any given moment. This trip is not about my emotions or how I expect others to view me. It is about how God is going to use me. It's not about seeing results every day or anyday for that matter. It's about my heart, and how God is using that to encourage, love on, and care for others.
[Cedric (in the walker) and Kenth – boys in the nursery at the orphanage]
[Yuki… I might be stealing him when I leave. Just saying. Look at those curls!!]
The other day I walked into the nursery and hear "Tita Manda!" (Tita means Aunt – someone you're fond of) and it was so beautiful and such a great reminder from God that I am where I am supposed to be. On Tuesday, I went to a basketball game, and sat with Arnold, an 11 year old boy from the neighborhood. He sat by me at the game, held my hand going downstairs through the crowd, sat on my lap on the bus ride home, and just stayed near me. It was so heartwarming. Between him and those babies at the nursery, I can already tell that it is going to be hard going home without them. And we've only been here for 2 weeks (2 more to go)!
[Arnold is second from the right… I might be smuggling him, as well!]
l can see just how easy it would be to hold back, to not love these kids fully so that I don't get hurt. But that is NOT what God is calling me to do. He wants me to love, with all I have, with every part of my body, mind and soul. He didn't bring me all this way to only half-love these children, these people, these sons and daughters of the beloved my heart. He wants all of me. Not a luke-warm version of me that only loves when it is convenient. He doesn't want me if my entire being is not in it. And furthermore, why would I want to be here if I'm only bringing a part of myself and not willing to go big, be bold, love loudly, leave myself behind and allow him to mold me, to recreate me, to refine me.
I was journaling the other day, and I was just discouraged. I made this list of how I was not being true to who I am::
guaded – – The heart is the wellspring of life
reserved – – patient
quiet – – LOUD
scared – seek me first
bound – – set the captives free
dissapointed – – abounding in grace
weary – – I will give you rest
fearful – – – – Do not be afraid
nervous – – / Do not be afraid
withholding – – freedom
Then I asked God "Who do You say I am?"
First, he gave me responses to the above statements (in purple).
Then He told me that I am::
LOVING
PATIENT
FAIRTHFUL
TRUSTING
CHERISHED
AN EMBRACER
JOYFUL
JEALOUS of my TIME
ENCOURAGING
WISE
RESPECTFUL
VALUED
POSITIVE
EFFERVESCENT
a GLORY VESSEL
THOUGHTFUL
CARING
LOVED
THOUGHT OF
a PULLER OF INFORMATION
DOORBREAKER
LOVER of LIFE
SELFLESS
BEAUTIFUL
BRAVE
COURAGEOUS
a LISTENER
a PROVIDER OF GUIDANCE
a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH
WORLD CHANGER
DAUGHTER
LIGHT
RESTORER
MIRROR OF GOD'S LOVE
REFLECTOR
PUSHER
STUBBORN LOVE
These are things the Lord, my God says I am.
What would He say you were, if you were to ask Him and then be willing and patient enough to wait for His response?
[A beautiful sunset from the first week I was here. Taken by Marian (marianpadilla.theworldrace.org) on the grounds of Faith Academy, a school for missionary kids in Manila, overlooking the beautiful skyline of Manila (and beyond)!]
