In 15 days I leave.
Tonight I am overcome with emotion by that number. I would by lying if I said I had no expectations for this last month if I said I was not anticipating this very moment.
This is not what I had pictured.
I pictured good times with family and every moment being filled by a last lunch, coffee date, or a phone call with someone I love. I think I expected life to stop and revolve around me for the days prior to the race.
That's not fair. It's not okay for me to put that on people, but here I am an emotional mess because my plans are not happening. Let's not forget just days ago I returned from an amazing weekend in Austin and that last night was a great time with local friends wishing me well, and even today had a great phone call with an old friend.
Why am I not satisfied?
I think I am anticipating the hurt I will feel in 15 days. I think I am expecting the goodbyes to be so hard that I hate that I decided to continue working in these last weeks, I am distraught that every moment isn't being spent soaking up the memories that I'll miss out on next year.
Despite all this I know he is good. I know this is Gods will. I know SO much goodness will come from this year but that there will also be hurt. There will be pain and tears but it will all lead to growth. All the messy things will be apart of my story and my prayer this that through the pain and tears I can glorify Christ.
In the next 11 months nothing will revolve around me. None of my plans will come out right, and that's ok.
Will you pray for me?
Pray for these 15 days, that I would let go of my expectation and anticipation. Pray that the Lord would continue to prepare my heart for the next 11 months. Pray over my goodbyes. Pray that the Lord would take my fundraising goal and blow it out of the water. Pray for my squad as they go through the same things, for the ones still raising funds and for their hard goodbyes. Pray against the enemy and the crap he is throwing our way.
