Before the race, I can remember sitting in my bedroom reading story after story about the injustices that were happening in our world. I would read stories about girls in prostitution, and would be brought to my knees, crying out to the Lord for those girls and bawling hysterically for the hearts that so desperately needed a Savior. I remember reading about mass amounts of children who were dying everyday from malnutrition, and my heart would be so broken for those babies that I couldn’t eat because I was too upset. College seemed so petty to me when I thought about the broken souls that needed to be loved on. So, I dropped out of college and applied for the World Race.
Five months into this crazy adventure, and I finally have faces to go along with the stories I once read. I know their names, and I have seen their brokenness face to face. I’ve seen babies literally dying from malnutrition in Guatemala, girls forced into prostitution in Thailand, children living in slums and poverty in Nicaragua, and people who have lost their homes, possessions, and loved ones in the typhoon in the Philippines. I’ve witnessed all of these injustices and brokenness, and my heart has somehow remained intact.
Guatemalan 1 month old baby who was not given a name, because he was not expected to live. Photo cred: Sage
Two of the beautiful kids from the Nicaraguan slums. The food we served them was all they got to eat. Photo cred: Sage
How did I go from being so compassionate and tenderhearted, to not even batting an eye in the ugly face of injustice?
People have told me my entire life that my compassion is a weakness. I’ve been told that I am too sensitive, too emotional, and that I cry too much. So in an attempt to be “strong” and to deal with all the crap I’ve seen these past few months, I stepped away from my compassion and entered into a place of apathy.
This morning, the Lord revealed to me the apathy that I have allowed to steal my heart, my joy, and my love these few months. He created me with such a huge capacity for mercy, compassion and love, and I have not been fully walking in these gifts.
I heard the Lord speak these loving words to me today:
“Precious daughter, sit with me and bring the brokenness you have seen to my feet. We can grieve it and weep about it together. These injustices break my heart, too. Don’t allow the rest of this journey to pass by without taking in and grieving these tragedies. When you process them and fully grieve them, you will be moved to action. I will use you to love these people more than you ever thought was possible.”
So I sat in my room in my hostel here in Thailand, weeping over those dying babies, malnourished children, and broken women that I’ve seen these past few months. And then, I wept over the grace the Lord was washing over me as I realized how selfish and earthly I have been in an attempt to guard my heart.
The injustice that has occurred to all of these people should be grieved, because they are made in the Lord’s image and they are worth so much more than what is done to them. When I see the brokenness of this world, I want to grieve it, cry about it, and take it to the feet of Jesus. He will hold me and comfort me because it grieves His heart, too. And then, when all my tears are dry, He will use me to love them freely, with his wonderful, beautiful love.
Abba, thank you for your grace. Thank you for your love and your compassion. Thank you for being a God who longs for this world to be reconciled to you. Forgive me for my selfishness. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Give me your eyes, your ears, and your heart. When I see the brokenness around me, help me to grieve it, and then move me to action. I want to be your hands and feet in the midst of injustices. Grow me in compassion. Ignite in me a fire to proclaim your love to those who need it. I desire to see your image when I look in the eyes of the broken, and to see the potential in them that you see in each of us. Use me as a vessel of your love, Father. Amen.
Fundraising Update: My next deadline is March 1st, where I must be fully funded. I still need $2,785.17 in order to make my deadline. Please prayerfully consider partnering with me in this journey! Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me so far!
