This month has been full of challenges, but so full of blessings. We have been in Rivas, Nicaragua working at a food center called Bethel. Anita, the woman who started it, is such a incredible woman of God.
There are 60 to 80 kids who come to eat a meal everyday, and until we came to assist, she was running it all by herself. Each day, we clean the building and cook the food for the children. Once they arrive, we play with them and build relationships. Then, we act out a bible story to teach them and after that, we feed them.
The ministry here is incredible, and we love spending time with Anita, but this month has still been extremely difficult. Each one of us is going through a process of refinement. Through lice, being covered in bug bites, losing a team member, and dealing with pains of the past, the Lord is teaching us unique lessons.
At the beginning of the month, I was in a major slump. I had a hard time loving my team, and I was struggling with seeing the gifts that the Lord has given me to serve with. I had an idea in my mind about what serving the Lord looked like, and when I didn't measure up to the standard, I felt inadequate. Through a rough conversation with someone back home, old lies and insecurities came up, fueling the feelings of inadequacy.
In the past week or so, the Lord has been fighting against these insecurities and speaking truth and life over me. He is teaching me how to truly serve others. A true servant serves out of the identity they are given in Christ. In order to serve well, I must completely put on my new identity. Nothing in the past matters anymore, because I am made completely new and whole.
I'm still not completely there yet. Every single day, the Lord speaks my new identity over me.
He says that I am a woman who is precious and treasured.
His delight is in me.
I am filled with his Spirit.
The radiance of God shines through me.
I am the crown of beauty in his hand.
He is madly in love with me.
I have been saved to freedom.
He has made beautiful the ruins of my past.
He has bestowed me with love and beauty, and has robed my heart in thankful praise.
His love for me is relentless.
He will pursue my heart until the end of time.
He covers me with his rushing waters of grace.
Not only has he been refining me this month, he has been redefining me. I am finally starting to believe and step into the new identity that my Father lovingly speaks over me each day. Now, I am able to better love and serve my team and the children here at Bethel because now I know how to serve them.
I can serve them with my compassionate heart and my love for relationship. I can serve them by sharing my story and my process. I can serve them by being real about where my heart is and what the Lord is doing in me. I no longer feel inadequate to serve because I have learned to serve out of strength in the Lord. It's not my flesh, it's the Spirit of the Lord at work in me. I am so excited to dive even deeper into this new identity and to step further and further into the more that He is calling out in me.
