Each month, the Lord challenges me in a different way.
As soon as I feel like I’ve conquered one issue – BAM! I’m smacked with another.
It’s good. He’s rooting things out of me that we both know need to go, and this month was no exception.
When we entered Cambodia we had a few days of debrief with the entire squad before heading to our ministry sites. We were able to worship together, talk some stuff out and recharge for the months ahead.
During debrief one of the issues that came up was seeing the areas of pride in our lives and how it affects both ourselves and those around us.
At the time I thought to myself, “I don’t really have any pride issues.” But in reality, the fact that I thought I wasn’t prideful – was a pride issue.
And suddenly, that became the theme of this month. The moment I started to think I was doing pretty well .. that I just might be able to handle this on my own .. was when I slowly stopped bringing God into the equation. I went to Him less and less for my source of strength, and slowly but surely, I began to crumble.
I stopped putting others above myself. I started to become irritated by so many things that had never bothered me before. I was in a funk and I couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t until I started talking to my team about how I was feeling that it was like a lightbulb went off and I remembered my arrogance from the beginning of the month.
How dare I think I could take credit for anything the Lord has done in or through me? In what world could I not see my constant need for Him? Talk about a pride issue.
Sometimes our areas of pride are subtle. They may not be flashy or showy. You may not brag on yourself or walk around with your nose in the air, but God has proven to me this month that we all have our areas of pride. Places that we think we can handle alone. Places we think no one sees.
And as soon as I start thinking that way – I crash and burn every time.
My pride issues affected my own attitude, relationships with my teammates and my outlook on ministry.
Thankfully, once I began to see my heart more clearly, the Lord made quick work of bringing me restoration. He used me this month despite myself. I heard a quote today that summed up this month so perfectly: “He calls people who trip every day His feet.”
I don’t know what’s in store for the next few months as we move into Africa, but I know that God is going to use me regardless of my shortcomings.
He catches me each time I trip, dusts me off, and still calls me His feet.
*last day of class! love these kids.
