I said something stupid.
I was angry, hurt, emotional, and full of fear.
I spoke from a place of insecurity
I was unfair.
And I’m SO SORRY!
Ever been there?
Yeah, me too. A lot.
I have also developed great ways to adapt.
I don’t like to hurt people. And people don’t like to be hurt. So, obviously, once a hurtful mistake has been made, the friendship is over. Right?
My instinct is to cut and run. I mean, you are probably mad at me anyway, so I might as well just walk away before you push me away. I reject you before you reject me. It just makes me feel better.
If that doesn’t do it, I almost always get to a point where I just decide that I’m too much of a mess to be your friend. I decide that you shouldn’t have to deal with all the crap I’m carrying around. I decide that it would be much better for you if we were not friends. And so I just walk away.
So I either run away or push you away because I decide that you just shouldn’t have to handle my crap. (If you didn’t know it, this makes me the bigger person)
All of my decisions are based on the fact that you are angry with me and that you really don’t want to be my friend. In the past, it rarely occurred to me that anybody would think any other way.
You know what messed me up?
Love and Grace.
I have this friend who loved me when I didn’t deserve it. And it changed me.
I screwed up. I got emotional and said some dumb stuff. I thought that I had just ruined our friendship.
But you know what she did?
She told me that everything was going to be ok. When I spoke death out of hurt and anger, she spoke words that brought LIFE to me. She understood and she forgave. And she loved me. She loved me like Jesus loves me. She loved me when I didn’t love myself. She loved me when I did not deserve it.
And it changed my life.
This is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. I was so upset because I had screwed up. I was fully prepared to receive my punishment. And I got something TOTALLY unexpected. Grace. The definition of grace is “unmerited favor�. I certainly did not merit love that day. But I got it anyway. And it rocked me.
It rocked me because it was unexpected. I don’t think that grace is ever expected. Maybe that is why it is so beautiful and powerful.
I am sure that we all want to find people like this – people who love us unconditionally. I’m unbelievably blessed to have found any such people in my life. The challenge for me is not to find more of these people in my life, but to BE one of these people.
When people love me when I don’t deserve it – it changes me. When I love people when they don’t deserve it – it changes them.
I want to change the lives of the people around me with love and grace.
