I spent the last two months in Central America. I saw plenty of pain and poverty. I saw people with literally nothing love God
with more passion than people at home with more than double the amount of stuff
they had. I saw people serving God by
serving us. There are few experiences
more humbling than being served by someone who has so little.
I began to think about possessions. I began to think about all of my stuff that I
left. I remember getting ready to leave
for the World Race. I was so concerned
with my stuff. I was so worried about
what I was going to do with all of my stuff. I ended up giving away and selling a LOT of my possessions. It was really a scary experience for me.
I was initially confused that people with so little can be
so happy. I mean, we think of poor
people as being miserable. Well, in
Central America, I saw poor people that were genuinely happy. They were happy just praising God. They were full of faith and love. I would watch these people in church praising
God with more zeal than us and my heart would just smile. I was totally reminded of Matthew 6 where
Jesus talks about how we shouldn’t worry about getting clothes or food because
God would provide. I always used to
think of that referring to stuff. I
always thought that God would provide good stuff to Christians that followed
Him. But I think what it really means is
that God will provide what we need, which is Him. We have basic needs, and they will be
met. But there is a huge difference in
what we NEED and what we want. We don’t
need stuff. Stuff isn’t important. We need God and a good, solid relationship
with God and that is ALL we need. Stuff
comes and goes. In the long run, stuff
won’t get you anywhere. But our
relationship with God brings us LIFE!! Jesus
said we can’t serve two masters. We
can’t love money (or stuff) and love Jesus. If we are so obsessed with getting and keeping stuff, how much are we
really in love with Jesus?
When we flew through Boston, I began to really think about
Americans. We are on this mission trip
to reach the lost and to show the love of Christ. As I was sitting in the airport and going to
Target and just running errands in America, I started thinking about us in the
U.S. The U.S. is really more of a
mission field than were I just was. The
people that I was surrounded by for the past two months were all really strong
Christians and I had no problem striking up God conversations with them. The thought of doing that in the states,
however….was really scary. I watched a
woman in Target arguing with a stock clerk about the price of a bottle of aspirin. It was higher than she expected. I thought about how insignificant that
argument was. I also thought about how
many times I was on the side of the stock clerk in that argument. It made me feel embarrassed to be
American. Someone cut me in line when I
was getting food at the airport. I
looked around and there were so many people that were in such a big hurry. I started to feel really annoyed at
Americans.
I began to think about how I identify myself. I am a citizen of the United States. I am also a citizen of Heaven. Which one do I primarily identify myself
as? I think I mostly identify myself as
an American. I used to teach American
history and I had so much pride as an American. I knew more about American history than I did about the Bible. When I was in the states, I was watching TV
and looking at billboards and just observing all the advertisement. There is so much advertisement because
everybody wants stuff. We are so
concerned with getting and keeping our stuff.
I have lived the American way. You have to pick yourself up by your bootstraps…don’t let anybody see
you suffer…pull yourself out of every tough situation with hard work…keep your
pride in tact….don’t compromise � just win. Americans love masks and false happiness. They don’t like people to really know what is
going on in their lives unless it is good and happy.
I started to wonder about how I act. I wonder how often I act like a citizen of
Heaven. As a citizen of Heaven, I’m
called to love above all else. I’m not
supposed to live as a citizen of this world because I am not of this
world. On this trip I have learned a LOT
about love and what really loving people looks like. I have learned that it doesn’t always involve
liking people. On the World Race, they
teach us to live in real community. Real
community doesn’t involve hiding from people but living a life that is fully
exposed. That is HARD. I think it is so hard because I have lived as
a citizen of America and not as a citizen of Heaven. I’ve always hidden my true thoughts and true
feelings about everything. I have always
been searching for my identity. I didn’t
know to identify myself as a citizen of Heaven.
True citizens of Heaven are secure in their identity…in
their identity as sons and daughters of the living God. We are complete, whole, forgiven, chosen,
royalty, justified, made righteous. We
are mighty warriors. We are on the winning
side. We have power and authority. We have been given the keys to the
Kingdom.
I can’t even imagine how powerful the body of Christ could
be if we all PRIMARILY identified ourselves as citizens of Heaven!! If we stopped identifying ourselves as
teachers or bankers or athletes or losers or winners or however we all identify
ourselves, I can’t even imagine how powerful we all could be!!
I think about this in terms of myself and my own walk… When I left for the World Race, I left
everything that I used to identify myself with… my job, my friends, my country,
my family � everything.
I struggled big time as soon as I left because I felt like I
didn’t have an identity. I am currently
learning to find my identity in Christ. I am learning to identify myself FIRST as a citizen of Heaven. It is a process, let me tell you. As a missionary on this trip, people
constantly look to me to represent Christ and I often fail and fall short. When I fall short, I automatically look at
the situation as an American…how can I DO better? How hard can I work to make myself better at
this?? How could I have prepared better? The thing I am realizing is that I can’t do
better. I can only continue to realize
who I already am and learn how to walk in that confidence. It is so hard to remember the simple facts
that I am loved, free from condemnation, accepted, complete, a daughter of the
King. It is hard to remember those
things, it is often hard to believe those things, and it is even harder to
operate in those things.
How can a person learn to walk in their identity in
Christ? It is SO HARD. I think it involves knowing what God’s word
says about you and then completely internalizing that. It means realizing that I belong to Christ
along with ALL of my stuff. I am not in
control of anything. I had the hardest
time coming on this trip because I didn’t want to give up MY stuff, MY life, MY
rights, MY job… I didn’t want to trade
my agenda for God’s agenda. I’m still
having trouble. Right now I’m totally learning
to die to myself. It sucks, but it is
amazing at the same time!!
It is hard for me to live the life that God is calling me to
live because I am so blocked up with walls that I have created and masks I like
to hide behind. I don’t like to let
people see the transformation in me. But
letting people in is what lets people see God in me. And letting people see God in me is what
encourages them and helps them take steps forward.
God is continually teaching me about who he wants me to be
and how he wants me to show Jesus to the world. It is an incredibly humbling experience. I find more and more that my rights, stuff…everything really…doesn’t
matter nearly as much as God and His plan for my life. I am learning to lose myself in order to find
myself.
