Tonight my team and I were doing feedback (an end of the day routine that allows honest, vulnerability between us girls to ensure that we are open and only growing closer to one another) for the second time and it has been going very well so far. I love my team so much. I love all that each individual has to offer to the table. I love the spiritual sharpening that is happening daily with everyone bouncing Godly thoughts off of each other. It’s been really good. I am also starting to miss home a bit.. (and I’m definitely underplaying that). Waking up to mourning doves, eating family dinners/living in such community, and seeing all of the Romanian people… home is pretty far away. But I’m doing good because these RADIANT girls and team Perisseou have been nothing but encouraging, seeing as we are all in the same boat!
Unfortunately we don’t have anyone in our pack (the word we have used to describe two teams being placed together) that is musically inclined – therefore worshiping together is difficult. Soooo…. We haven’t really worshiped since we have been here, and my goodness do I miss it! Angel tonight spoke up asking if we would be comfortable singing together, and we all said YES! We were sitting in the missionary house living room… singing together (maybe feeling a little uncomfortable, all watching each other, and not singing super loud) and I was loving every bit of it. The last song that we sang was I Can Only Imagine, by MercyMe. That song is beautiful and paints this almost impossible picture of what it will be like to stand in front of God. I still cannot picture the glory and light of that day… but tonight when I was singing, I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotion.
Earlier this summer while driving with Anna in the car, listening to K LOVE, this song came on and she asked me what it meant. I began to explain to her the image MercyMe was depicting, and in her sweetness she smiles her innocent smile and continues to hum along. Later that night at church as we were worshiping, this song starts to play and I love how the Lord does things like that. No coincidences. She recognizes it and smiles again, but this time I am so filled with content that my liver is smiling. We worship together… which moves me in itself. She and I are such different people with such different stories, yet we can come together in Christ as sisters because we really do have so much in common!
Tonight during worship I was instantly reminded of Anna in the first few notes of the song and my heart broke for her. My heart broke for all that she has been through. My heart broke for the endless hurt and abandonment she has felt. My heart broke for her in that her parents could not own up and raise her like they should have. My heart then broke for all of the fatherless children that are falling asleep tonight, alone. I feel such a connection to orphans, and that fire was blazing tonight for them. I was also taking the words differently tonight. Instead of only imagining what it would be like when we were seeing God for the first time in heaven, I was imagining seeing and feeling the lyrics of that song in my daily life.
“Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus, or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine.”
I WANT TO BE IN CONSTANT AWE, DANCING, SINGING BECAUSE I AM SURROUNDED BY HIS GLORY.
I want this everyday – all day. Don’t you? Don’t you want insanely filling joy to be so overwhelming inside of you that you swear your blood cells have been replaced with sunshine?! I sure do! And I strongly believe that this is not a lot to ask. God is SO present and SO wants to be filling us with this joy – daily. He is constantly singing a song over our heads, and all I want to do is channel that joy out to all of those that I come in contact with.
“I can only imagine” tonight – turned into “I can start to see this” – then to “I am loving this” – and then to “I want this… now.
Always.
Forever. “
