There I was. Trying to wipe off the vomit that was dripping down my chin. My face was in the squatty potty and I was trying not to inhale the smell of waste that hadn’t fully been flushed down. I laid on the floor with my arms wrapped around my stomach in hopes of lessening the pain. My body was saturated in sweat from the fever. This was surely torture. I cried as I heaved into the toilet again.
It all started on Valentine’s Day. My team went to our favorite Mexican restaurant in Nepal, The Lazy Gringo, to celebrate. I started to get a stomachache during dinner, but shrugged it off as eating a massive amount of Mexican food that my body wasn’t used to. I came home and curled up in my sleeping bag in the fetal position, hoping I would feel better in the morning, and went to sleep.
I woke up around midnight and knew it wasn’t the Mexican food. I grabbed my headlamp and stumbled over my teammates as I ran to the bathroom. I knelt down and put my head in the hole in the floor that was our toilet. My stomach contracted as I lost my dinner into the squatty potty. I heaved over and over into the toilet each time thinking there’s no way my body had enough in me to throw up again.
After my fifth trip to the bathroom to vomit, I miserably laid on the floor next to the toilet and wept. This was the worst night of my life. I had never been in so much pain or thrown up so many times. I would have given anything for the pain and suffering to stop. I couldn’t take it.
Suddenly, the thought came to my mind,
“I don’t know how Jesus died on the cross.”
It was during my misery and weakest moment that my heart came to fully understand what Jesus endured on the cross. My suffering was so small compared to what He went through. He was stripped, mocked, and spit on. He had a crown of thorns placed on His head. His hands and feet were nailed to the cross and He was lifted for all to see. He was left to hang by his flesh until He breathed his last.
He died for me. He died for you. He didn’t just die for the people who believe in Him, but also the 99% of Nepal that practice Hinduism and Buddhism, religions that don’t even mention His name. He died for the rest of the people around the world who don’t believe in Him. He died for the people who have yet to hear his name and those who have heard it and turned their back on him. He died for each and every one of us.
How much He must love us to endure the brutality of the cross. He knows we will never even come close to being as righteous as He is. He knows we will fail Him over and over again. But He died for us anyway. Because He loves us so much. He so willingly gave His life so that we may be clothed in His righteousness and spend forever with Him if we believe and have faith in Him alone.
Think about a time you were suffering so much that you would have done anything for it to stop. Would you go through that again for someone who mistreated you? Someone who didn’t even know you? Someone who abandoned you? Probably not.
Each of us are so unworthy of the grace that is given to us by our Father, but we receive it anyway because of Jesus.
I pray I never get a parasite again, but this one turned out to be a blessing. Through my suffering I was able to draw closer to Jesus because my heart finally understood what He did for me. I’ll never be able to fully comprehend how great God’s love is for me, but I’ve come a little closer. My light shines a little brighter. I can bring the gospel to His people with a deeper passion and extra enthusiasm. The Great Commission has a more intimate meaning, and I can fulfill it with all my heart.
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
-Matthew 28:18-20
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I’m still in the process of support raising to fund my mission trip. I need a total of $11,000 in my support account by April 1st in order to remain on the field. If you’d like to come alongside me and support me in this mission, please consider giving a special, tax-deductible gift to help me continue to bring Christ to the nations.
