I’m squad leading again. Just needed to start with that. Here’s the story of how it all went down.
In June, I put in a vacation request. Two weeks in October for a World Race training camp. I was going to join a training team with my friend, Ben and I was going to stay with him and his lovely wife, Libby, also a dear one to my soul.
Training camp, as a whole, is a favorite experience of mine. It’s a week and a half of people experiencing life together at the table. A catalyst for the Kingdom, it is filled with cultural situations, sisterhood and brotherhood, and my personal favorite, often the first time people meet the Holy Spirit.
The church in western cultures largely puts the Holy Spirit off to the side as a weird uncle of sorts. Sure, He may get mentioned on Sundays. But He’s not wanting to only be mentioned. He’s real. Full and present. He’s speaking. And moving.
And at training camps for the World Race, my generation is meeting Him. Moments personal to each person, but at the same time shared, as He uses others to speak words, confirm visions and release each other from chains of fear, and bondage. It is my favorite to watch as people realize He is alive.
So when Ben got in touch about two months ago, telling me that his training team was no more, I considered briefly going to Colorado for vacation, but decided that I actually wanted to be back in Gainesville, GA, sharing in worship, hanging out with old friends. Doing so would afford me the opportunity to travel to Atlanta to stay with my old coaches and join their house churches for a few days as well.
So I signed up for the Serve team. A different, but very important part of the training camp experience. This is how I ended up taking my vacation time to clean port-a-potties, mopping floors and preparing food for 200 campers.
Camp started and I was having so much fun with the serve team. It was a small but fun-loving group of people. We worked well and hard together following the chefs’ leads for the kitchen work and sorting the various tasks throughout each day with ease and teamwork. Our conversations varied with banter, lightness and deeper questions that led to inner healing sessions. We joined racers for worship in their sessions and it was a joy to watch the room be transformed each time.
A day or so into camp, I got asked to help a training team with a team building exercise. Two of my personal favorite activities to observe were on the schedule and the largest squad at camp needed some extra eyes and hands for it. I said, “Absolutely.”
That afternoon, I got to laugh a good bit at the squad mates working together and throw in challenges like communicating by quacking or mooing, all while paying attention to team dynamics. I love stuff like that. I returned to the kitchen afterwards and was glad I got to join in on it.
The next night at camp, the mentor for that squad, Beka, leaned over to me during worship and asked what I was doing in January.
She quickly added, “January-May?”
Knowing what she was getting at, I was dismissive. Even downright rude.
“Working,” was my reply.
“Is it a job you like and are really passionate about?”
“It’s nursing. So no.”
“Well, have you ever thought about squad leading?”
“I’ve already done it. So, (still being rude, made a motion of one hand walking over the other), I’ve already crossed that bridge.”
“Oh, well. Would you do it again?”
I turned my full attention to her at this point. “I would do it in a heartbeat if I thought I was supposed to.”
“Pray about it.”
I told Ben and Libby about it that night. And Ben kinda shrugged at me. “Better pray about it,” he said.
The next day, Beka saw me and asked if I had heard anything about it from God.
“Nope.” But I knew I needed to carve out some prayer time.
The day’s hours moved forward and I had a conversation with someone that helped me put to voice my desires for Church and for people to discover God and themselves in the context of Kingdom and the Father and not simply within the Race, as I myself had done. But, that is for a different blog.
“You can go do anything you want, girl. God’s given you the freedom to choose. And He’s got you,” was some of the closing sentiment spoken to me.
The conversation did not provide any direct insight into what Beka had asked me, but rather left me feeling pretty sure that I was not the right person for her consideration, because squad leading again was not something I would choose.
It was too messy an option for my mapped out life plan.
That night, the kitchen was long cleaned up and serve team was back in the worship session again. I had settled in a nook in the back of the room with some paints and was just relaxing while the music played. As I painted I sensed God wanting to have a conversation. After actually having carved some time out earlier in the day and hearing nothing, I was kinda wary about what he could have to say now.
And He did speak (not audibly mind you).
“You have a choice. I’m in whatever and wherever you go. You can stay in what is safe and known and I’ll be with you. I’ll draw you closer, but it will be slow, and you’ve asked for something different. Or you can go. Which is what you want (I DO???!!!) and you’ll walk through some fears (What fears??!!), and I’ll draw you closer that much faster as you walk in new things. “I knew right away what my choice was. And as soon ask felt the inner confirmation in my spirit, I let a hearty “Sh!t” escape my lips.
And then one by one fears entered my head, seemingly shouting themselves over the worship happening in the main room. But as I held onto what He has just spoken over me, he was also speaking truths over the lies and fears. As he carried them away and I cried, on cue, the band started playing “No Longer Slaves.”
Insert ugly tears.
I decided I needed to tell someone. So I got up and looked for Ben. He was worshipping. I looked for my good friend, Austin. He was praying over someone. I ended up spying Beka.
I got her attention and within a minute, I was being prayed over in a dry food storage closet because I had just decided to be a squad leader for her squad that launches in two months.
Jehovah ‘Sneaky’ did some work at training camp.
Two weeks of vacation. I opted for training camp instead of Colorado.
And now I’m leaving again, with short notice for finances and my job and my family.
The excitement is there. It outgrew feelings of being overwhelmed over the rest of camp as I jumped in with my new squad. The serve team still was a safe place for me and I counted on friends throughout the week to let me process. I nervously called my mom, dad and sisters. And while I was nervous about responses from family, friends and coworkers, I do not doubt this decision. Occasionally, I have to brush off some fears or worries, but this is right.
4th Generation S squad is awesome. I had interacted with some of them during training exercises before we knew I was to join them on the field, so that helped. It’s a great group and I’m excited. We depart early January for India. From there I will venture with them to Nepal, Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I’ve met one co-leader, Lo, with one more, Tammy, to join. And we’re praying for two men to join us.
Leaving again means support raising again. Not my favorite thing.
I’m hoping to raise $5000 of the $6500 I will need. If you’re feeling led, please follow the support link on the left. My account still needs to be updated, so donate away, I’m starting from 0 here.
I’ll be sending out support letters one of these days. If you want to be included, please email your address to [email protected]
And thanks for reading this long long blog.
