I haven’t been able to sleep well
lately. It’s nothing new really. I’ve never been a good sleeper, but this time
in particular it’s been different. I’ve been waking up every 15 minutes and
simply waiting for the morning to come…who does that? It’s left me feeling sick
and exhausted, and I’ve been hopeless without a remedy. I blamed it on the sun
coming through my windows, which has been true, but this morning, I knew it was
something else.
The other day in
church, the Pastor said something that really stuck out to me. He simply asked
us,
“Do
you really love Jesus?”
What?
Of course we do. We’re here aren’t we?
It reminded me of
when the Lord asked Peter the same question three times. I know there are
several different interpretations of this text, and my thoughts are not factually
driven, but I have to wonder if the Lord was asking Peter to really examine how
much he was devoting his life and heart to the Lord.
Of course we say
we love the Lord. It’s a commandment. It’s what we’re supposed to do. We pray.
We go to church. We serve. We love Him.
But
do we REALLY love Him?
Do we really adore
Him, admire Him, trust Him, honor Him, confide in Him, live for Him, walk and
talk and leap for joy at the mention of His name sort of LOVE Him?
For the past five
months I’ve known the Lord has been calling me to return to Nashville and go to
grad school. I’ve trusted Him, obeyed Him, and told Him that He would have to
provide in big ways…well, because I’m a World Racer and I haven’t worked in
over a year. I came obediently, even if it wasn’t what I wanted, because I
trusted Him.
However, in the
past couple of months, I haven’t trusted Him to provide. Since being apart from
my WR community, it has been harder and harder to daily walk in my love and
devotion for the Lord. I really felt that this past week when I had an intense
craving to just sit and read the word and worship. Did I do it? Nope. I got
caught up doing something else for financial aid, of course.
So there I sat,
5:30 am, wide-awake, hearing the Lord ask, “Are you going to come spend time with
me yet? Are you ready to listen to me yet?”
I had been asking
Him to provide a job for me for months, but not once had I sat down to just
listen and hear what He had to say.
I rolled out of
bed, not out of obligation, but out of desire. I made some hot tea, and sat on
my front porch and listened as the sun came up.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” We
know it well. We seldom do it.
But another verse
about being still came to my attention, and it was this:
“Moses answered the
people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand firm
and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The
Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'”
Exodus 14:13-14
BE STILL, and see
my great power. BE STILL, and know that I am the Creator, the Alpha and Omega.
BE STILL, and remember that I have plans for you. BE STILL, and stand in awe of
my greatness and beauty. BE STILL, and trust that I will provide and deliver
you. BE STILL, and simply give me your heart.
