I think I’m ready to go home after next month. It’s funny because up until a couple days ago I would NOT have agreed with that statement at all. Back when we were at the Awakening Conference in Brasov, Romania we had to go through this “Re-entry” workshop. They gave us a packet of things for us to think about and write about that can be a useful tool for re-entry. The first question is “Do you believe it’s God’s timing for you to go home?” And my answer was a resounding “NO!”
Because you see, after switching countries and continents all year this has become the ‘norm’ to me. I have no idea what kinds of things await for me at home. “Home” elicits so much uncertainty…ironically enough it’s now the “Unknown.” Honestly I’ve had a lot of fears and insecurities about it…such as: “Are the changes in me real?” “Will I revert back to old habits and sins?” “Is re-entry going to be even more difficult than it was before?”(Because I didn’t handle it very well before.) “Am I going to be able to explain and share what happened?” You get the idea.
However, after spending this month with all 7 of us on the floor in a furniture-less studio apartment 6 inches away from the person sleeping next to me, my opinion has changed. I can almost feel what it’s like to drown out noise (snoring) by turning on my fan, and being able to walk along the river by myself spending time with God, and cooking on a REAL stove with good pots (not a hotplate). Home seems more and more inviting; especially since there I can have weather appropriate clothing and blankets as I need them. (Although the Lord does provide, someone gave me a really warm jacket.)
But even with all of this in mind, I still didn’t really think I was there. Until last night. I was walking back to the metro, by a park and there was a chocolate shar-pei there. I let it sniff my hand so I could pet it and in that moment I realized that I was ready to go home. It’s hard to explain why I figured it out then, but I just did. For the first time I’ve got a lot of peace about the questions that have been nagging me. I get to go home in a month and see my family, nieces and nephew, my friends, my state (oh man do I miss you Mt. Rainier!) I get to take what I’ve learned and experiences out here there, and I’m glad to do so, although I might be overwhelmed at first with trying to figure out what to share. 😉
One more month and I’m ready.
