My name literally means lovable or worthy to be loved. However I haven’t believed that for probably my whole life. I knew I was loved by others but it was difficult for me to really understand God’s love for me.
At the beginning of training camp God told me “Amanda, I view you like I view my Son, Jesus.” That rocked my world off it’s axis. I couldn’t get my mind around it and struggled the next couple of days trying to understand this revelation. Because all I could wonder is, how in the world could God love me like He loves Jesus? I know now that He really does delight in me, but it required a journey…
Yesterday we had to literally carry our burdens to the cross. The journey is physically difficult traversing up hills and whatnot, however it put in perspective physically what goes on spiritually to give up our burdens.
I started off with the burden of fear, I had never realized how fearful I was, fear of failure of rejection and so on. As I kept going I realized my insecurities, in love and acceptance, so I added that burden to my pile. I kept walking. I got to the point where my burden was too great (spiritually not physically) and I stopped and talked things through with a staff member and got prayer. During that time I discovered that so often I say “but” to God. It was my excuse, and a way to not totally accept what God tells me. So i continued on with this added burden too.
It got really difficult and I wanted to give up, I knew I should go on. At that moment I chose to follow Christ’s lordship and to serve him, really serve him, and I continued up the hill.
I got to the top, and I talked with another staff member who pointed out that I was still not doing the journey for me. I still didn’t get it, I am lovable and totally worth it. The staff member challenged me to do the last half of this journey proclaiming those truths in my life. As I started to climb up the next her I said it with every step, “I’m lovable, I’m worth it. I’m lovable, I’m worth this.” Slowly with each step those lies starting getting stripped away more and more. About a 1/3 of the way up I finally got it. I started proclaiming as many biblical truths of my identity as i could remember. Suddenly carrying my burdens wasn’t hard anymore. I knew at that moment I would crawl on my hands and knees if I had to in order to leave the burdens at the cross. When I got to the top I threw them down at the cross knowing in that moment that I was done. I yelled “I AM WORTH IT!” and basked in the joy and freedom that has flowed over me.
It’s a new starting point in my life. I can always go back to that moment, and when the devil comes against me, I know the truth and will not accept those lies in my life again.
I am lovable and I am worthy of God’s attention to my life!
