Last night I was awakened by a team-mate asking for prayer and afterwards found that I couldn’t go back to sleep for what seemed like hours. After about a half hour of tossing and turning in frustration I began to pray asking God to help me fall sleep, and the thoughts that kept me for sleep. Well I did eventually fall asleep, but not until some hard soul searching took place. As a result, the following blog entry is a confession and request to you.
I’ve been on the World Race for approximately 2 and a half months now and have only 2 blogs to my record since departing on said adventure.
My dislike for blogging is rather intense. So much so, that I put it off until Wi-Fi is available, until something really spiritual happens, i.e. an insight, or I simply just don’t want to, so I don’t. All these are poor reasons and none are excuses. Blogging is something I truly dread doing and I struggle with the guilt daily. This vicious cycle has kept repeating over the last 2 months.
Also (I really don’t want to share this but am convicted to confess) I’ve been at this ministry sight in Honduras for 11 days and have yet to visit the orphanage or nursing home facilities right next door. Again, so many excuses why not, tired after a long day of school, have to stop by the store on my way home from school which takes up a good chunk of the afternoon, or I have to check my email, or have some downtime to myself. I have not stewarded my time honorably to serve them.
Going on the Race hasn’t really changed me. Back home I was a poor time manager, struggling to find a healthy balance between work, leisure, devotion/worship, and free time. Here I still struggle with using my time wisely, but I can say I’m more aware of it and I’m aware of the Holy Spirit’s conviction sooner than I’ve been at home in the States.
So I want to apologize to you, my supporters, friends, and family members for not being a good steward of my time, and for not keeping you updated and in contact. I really have no excuse for not blogging about my time/experiences other than lack of discipline. I am truly sorry and ask for your forgiveness. I would also humbly ask for your prayers for encouragement, self-discipline, and discernment. I know God is growing me through this and I don’t want this to come across as self-hating, because I don’t feel that way. Only that I want to come clean with you all and ask for your prayers. I know that I can say ‘Thank you!” because you love me. You all believe in this journey and are a part of it with me. Thank you so much for your trust and prayer. I need them both.
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15, 16
Affectionately,
Manda
