What strange math problem am i trying to solve? Is this part of the curriculum that I am trying to teach a five year old this month in homeschooling classes? Am I somehow incorporating it into my English classes that I am teaching, yet again, this month.
The answer to all of the above is NO!
I have 32 days until I am back in Michigan.
I have 24 days until I am back in America.
Staying present this month is both harder and easier than I thought.
It is harder in the fact that we are teaching English… AGAIN… three months of teaching English. If you have been following my blogs, you know that I don’t really enjoy teaching English. It is not my forte. It is hard. It is getting easier, but it is boring to me. I am tired of explaining what nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are.
We cannot speak the name of Jesus this month. We cannot even let people know that we are Christians or the people we are working with are Christians. I cannot wear most of my clothes because they are indecent for this culture. I cannot wear a few of my shirts because they have verses from the Bible on them. My team is living with another team in small quarters with limited space to do anything, a thing that boils water, and a toaster.
It is hard staying present because we are so close to going home. As we get closer to going home I feel entitlements returning to me. Each day the list grows and I don’t know how to stop it. I am worried about where I will live and work, what I will drive, how I will pay for the things I need to pay for, how will I get to Georgia in January for project searchlight. I have been looking for jobs and looking for flights. Trying to maintain a healthy balance of being present and being proactive about my life after the race. It is difficult.
It is difficult because I don’t always want to be vulnerable and present with my team because, let’s face it, in three and a half weeks we won’t be together anymore. Some days I feel as if I am just skimming the surface in team time just to get it over with.
It is harder in the fact that we are teaching English… AGAIN… three months of teaching English. If you have been following my blogs, you know that I don’t really enjoy teaching English. It is not my forte. It is hard. It is getting easier, but it is boring to me. I am tired of explaining what nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs are.
We cannot speak the name of Jesus this month. We cannot even let people know that we are Christians or the people we are working with are Christians. I cannot wear most of my clothes because they are indecent for this culture. I cannot wear a few of my shirts because they have verses from the Bible on them. My team is living with another team in small quarters with limited space to do anything, a thing that boils water, and a toaster.
It is hard staying present because we are so close to going home. As we get closer to going home I feel entitlements returning to me. Each day the list grows and I don’t know how to stop it. I am worried about where I will live and work, what I will drive, how I will pay for the things I need to pay for, how will I get to Georgia in January for project searchlight. I have been looking for jobs and looking for flights. Trying to maintain a healthy balance of being present and being proactive about my life after the race. It is difficult.
It is difficult because I don’t always want to be vulnerable and present with my team because, let’s face it, in three and a half weeks we won’t be together anymore. Some days I feel as if I am just skimming the surface in team time just to get it over with.
It doesn’t matter how many blogs I have read about “pressing in to the final month” and “stay present because things will work themselves out and you will never have this time again”. Reading those blogs are good, but those things don’t come naturally.
It is easier because we have amazing contacts. I cannot tell you their names because I don’t want to put their ministry in jeopardy, but they are fabulous people. They began pouring into us and speaking energy and truth into us almost immediately when we got here. They have a passion to pour into racers lives and love them as much as possible. I am in awe and I have not been poured into like this in many months. At least 7.
It is easier because I am used to community. I am used to the chaos. I am used to the craziness and the stress level and the things changing all the time. It is easy to adapt because this has become my life. There is creamy peanut butter and spaghetti sauce here. There are comfort foods [as long as I can buy them made, just add water, or toast them] and there is a 7-11 down the street with slurpees.
It is easier because I am used to community. I am used to the chaos. I am used to the craziness and the stress level and the things changing all the time. It is easy to adapt because this has become my life. There is creamy peanut butter and spaghetti sauce here. There are comfort foods [as long as I can buy them made, just add water, or toast them] and there is a 7-11 down the street with slurpees.
With all of that said, I am excited and nervous and ready to come home in 24 days. I cannot wait to see the people who love me and get to love them right back. In 32 days I will get to enter back into my community in West Michigan and tell them how much I love them to their faces and tell them things I have learned that can only help our friendships. I am excited to hear everything that has happened in the past year and catch up on everything I missed. I am excited to see the wedding photos and videos of all of my best friends who have gotten married while I have been on the race.
12. That is the number of women living in our hostel this month. We have two bathrooms [one is a squatty potty] and two bedrooms. It has been spoken over us that we are like the 12 disciples. We are strong women. We are women who are walking in a boldness that we never have before. We are clothed, covered, and surrounded by the righteousness of God. We are shining lights in the place. We bring kingdom in our steps, in our actions, in our classes, in our interactions, in our smiles, in our hope, in our love. We are following Jesus, learning more about God often.
6. This is the number of women on my team. This month I have renewed eyes and a renewed heart for my team. I am ridiculously in love with these other 5 women and I could not imagine ending my race without them. They stretch me, push me, tell me the truth, support me, love me, laugh with me, make me laugh all the time, dance with me, and hear me. As I have been on a team with most of the people on my squad, I know that there honestly is no one else I would rather be with through these months and I am so glad that I get to be surrounded by these wonderful women every day of my life.
2. Me and God. Just the two of us. We are hanging out a lot these days. I share my frustrations and my anxieties. He shares truth, love, and reassurance that He is in control. Even in this place where I have no space, I still find ways to just hang out with my Abba.
1. One day at a time.
Cheers from Malaysia.
Much love,
-A
