"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." 1 Peter 3:3-4
One of my teammates spoke this verse over me the other day. It has been so encouraging to meditate on this verse since then. I think every woman goes through the stage where her physical beauty is challenged and it becomes a struggle. So we cover ourselves with makeup and we put way too much money into making our hair look "better" and changing it to the color that we think it should be. In our culture it is almost necessary for women to do these things or we are almost looked down upon. Beauty is something I have struggled with a lot. That isn't easy to say, but it is truth. I have looked to so many different places to find my beauty, my worth, and my identity. I have dyed my hair more times than I can count and probably have more eyeshadow sitting in my room at home than I will ever use. I technically have 8 piercings in my ears but currently only wear one. In high school I tried to find that beauty in wearing Aeropostale, American Eagle, and Tommy Hilfiger. I used to think that all of those things somehow proved I was beautiful.
Guess what?
They didn't.
In college I stopped wearing makeup out of convenience instead of desire. If I didn't wear makeup I could get another 15 minutes of sleep. I chose sleep but still had a hard time feeling beautiful. I would wear makeup occasionally and would feel beautiful outwardly but still would feel empty where the feeling of beauty should really come from in my heart. I didn't know what to do about it so I just let it go.
When I lived alone in Newaygo I started to get glimpses of my true beauty. I began to find things occasionally in my actions that I found beautiful. For example usually after youth group on Wednesday nights I would come home overflowing with joy and peace. I would have this feeling like I had just encountered the Lord and often would spend some personal reflection time in thanksgiving and praise. That was beautiful. Even then I was still struggling with my outward beauty. There were days that I felt beautiful but the days I didn't were more prevalent.
Since coming on the race I have approximately two hairstlyes [the side pony and a regular ponytail], I think I have worn makeup two times on the race, and I have the same five outfits I started with that are varying shades of brown, black, and yellow and pink mostly. I have worn the same flip flops for six months. If I'm lucky I shower twice a week at most. But beauty has been redefined for me on the race. Beauty is truly less about outward appearances and more about the radiance from inside like it talks about in 1 Peter.
This month we have been blessed with a mirror [yes I said blessed with a mirror]. Every day I walk past the mirror and see my reflection I can see the true beauty that I carry inside of me. I see the unfading beauty of my quiet and gentle spirit. And that beauty truly comes from deep within and extends outward, seeping into my external beauty. I see beauty in my features I have never noticed before and say with confidence that
I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!
Beauty is so much more than external beauty. Today even in my Jean shorts that are too big, my yellow shirt with a tank top underneath, my orange socks, fake Tom's, and side pony I feel gorgeous and confident. I can walk confidently that it doesn't matter if I'm wearing this or a $400 dress that I am beautiful because of what is in my heart. My hair is beautiful as its natural strawberry blonde, my eyes a mysterious hazel, and even the freckles I have are beautiful. Yes, outwardly I am beautiful. Even better than that though is the fact that I am confident that my Father has spoken beauty over me in the form of a quiet and gentle spirit. That is truth. That is worth more and someone saying 1000 times "you're beautiful." Truth truth truth. On another awesome note I am only $783 away from being fully funded!!! Much love, -A
