Four months ago today was our first day in Guatemala.
It was our first day on the field.
It was not the first time I had asked “what have I gotten myself into?”
It was my first day in Antigua.
It was my first day wondering if I would make it to the next month, the next financial deadline, the next continent, let alone finish the race.
It was the day I realized my life was about to change, in the weirdest, craziest way I could imagine.
It was the day I realized I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be a racer on the field.
It was the day I had to decide to enter in with my team and be fully present.
It was the day I had to choose to let them into my world and into my life, because they would be my family for the next year.
It was the first day I realized no one really knew me, and I wasn’t really sure if I wanted them to.
It was the first day I realized I wasn’t going to have any alone time until I finish the race.
It was the first day I was scared and frustrated and confused and nervous.
Four months ago I was timid and shy and afraid of
using the voice I have within me to use.
Today is day 121 on the race.
Today is our first real day in Ukraine.
Every day I tell myself “I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but this is so much better”
I no longer wonder if I will make it to the next month, deadline, or continent because I know that God brought me here for a reason and if he wants me to go home, at any point for any reason, that is okay and it doesn’t mean I have failed anyone. But I am confident I will finish my race boldly and strong.
Every day I wake up and realize how much my life has changed and will continue to change.
Every day I have to choose to be present with my team.
Every day I have to choose to let them into my head because we can’t function well if a part of the team is closed off and angry.
Every day I can’t believe this is my life and I GET to be a racer on the field.
Every day I have to choose to love them and choose to let them love me back.
I still know that I won’t have any alone time, but most days I am okay with that.
I am sometimes scared, but can battle fear with prayer. I am sometimes frustrated, but patience often wins. I am confused often, but continue to roll with the punches, and nerves have turned into inspiration for boldness instead of a cage.
I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.
I wouldn’t trade my worst day on the race for a life of routine at home.
Each day on the race is so different.
Each day flies by, but goes slowly.
Each day is new and precious.
After 121 days I am still so much of myself, but so new and different, in a good way.
I can’t wait to see what it is like after 100 more days.
Much love,
-A
