I’ll be honest. Lately I’ve felt like throwing in the towel. What I’m doing isn’t new or exciting; it’s typical Amanda.
When I came back from training camp, I felt so much joy and passion, and a renewed excitement in this journey God is taking me on. I know this is what God has called me to do, and I know He is going to make a path for me to get there…but right now it doesn’t feel that way.
My next financial deadline is a month from Monday. I am $2500 away from that deadline and $12,000 away from being fully funded. What felt like a small amount at the beginning of this process has become a looming source of anxiety for me that I feel on a daily basis.
How am I going to come up with $12,000?
How am I going to raise that much money in a few months time?
Why does no one care about what I’m doing?
These thoughts play on repeat throughout the day. The enemy has found a foothold and decided to latch on. I know these doubts are lies. It’s an attack. It’s not truth. But I don’t know how to fight it.
I have always loved missions and travel. I have been fortunate enough to go to more places and experience more amazing things than many people have the opportunity to in a lifetime. The Race is designed for me. It combines everything I am so passionate about. Doing something like this is just "typical Amanda." So sometimes I wonder if that’s why people don’t seem as interested. I feel guilty asking for financial support when so many people I know struggle to make ends meet, or could put their money towards something else. I'm a very independent person, so asking for help – especially financially – is extremely difficult for me. It is definitely humbling to say the least.
Now, I don’t want anyone to see this as me calling out people who haven’t donated money to my AIM account. I’m not pointing a finger at anyone. Because I know that you care about what I’m doing and how God is working in my life and on this Race. I just feel alone. It’s something the enemy is doing and it’s so frustrating, but isolating myself and feeling guilty for “not doing enough” just fuels the fire and that’s why I am bringing these thoughts and emotions to light.
This is not a plea for donations (although if I’m being honest, support financially would be much appreciated), but rather a request for prayers, accountability, and encouragement. I know God is going to move mightily on me behalf and amazing things are going to happen now and through next year, but I can’t do it alone. God is with me and beside me, but He does incredible things through community.
So I want to thank you for being my community, my family, my tribe. It means more than you know.
