When I woke up on the morning of Training Camp I thought I was going to throw up. It could’ve been excitement, or anxiety, or the fact that it was 2:30 in the morning and my body was really mad at me for waking up so early. Regardless of how I felt, I had a flight to catch, so I made my way to the airport. When I arrived in the Atlanta terminal, I spotted a sea of colors – all of the squads in their respective teams. So, I made my way over to A-Squad, pretty nervous of how I was going to be received.
I was welcomed by everyone there. Then began a few hours of awkward introductions and surface level “get to know you” questions. Little did I know that in less than a week I would consider these people family.
I don’t think there’s enough space for me to divulge all the happenings of camp, but I learned a whole lot about vulnerability, and the consequences of sharing your hurts, struggles, and joy with a community.
I’ve always thought of myself as an open book. I love sharing and hearing stories. But this week, I realized how many walls I have put up. Conversations that I thought went deep and personal ended up as surface and generic. Breaking down those walls was not easy, and the first part of my week at training was full of frustration with my inability to open up to others.
I think the enemy uses the difficulties of our past to isolate us. When we refuse to share our past hurts and current struggles, we miss out on the revelation that we share so many of these pains.
We are not alone.
One of my new family members, Michelle, and I were talking one day after I had experienced a difficult debrief time where I couldn’t open up with my group. “Sometimes, you just have to knock all those walls down at once,” she said. The thought was terrifying, but I meditated on that throughout the day.
That night, our squad stood in a circle before bed and began sharing testimonies of what God was doing, and things that we have never shared before. My heart began racing, and I knew it was time to share. As I opened up, I felt those walls shattering, and I began to feel free. There was such peace in opening my heart up to people who love and care about me so that healing can begin. Vulnerability is not weakness, it’s strength in your story and how God redeems it.
I’m still working on tearing those walls down. I’m so excited to see how my vulnerability can help others and how God is going to work though my testimony. I want to encourage you to open up to those around you. It can be something big or something small. Vulnerability leads to love and community.
