A beautiful song by Bethel Music says,
“May we never lose our wonder. Wide eyed and mystified, let us be just like a child, standing in the beauty of our King.”
There are seasons of my life when I feel or relate to God in different specific ways, and for me right now, it’s in wonder.
When I first began to truly love Jesus, it was also because of wonder. I was amazed and in awe of Him. I was truly overwhelmed at the kind of scandalous grace he gives us. It was with a heart of wonder that I saw the no-strings-attached love He has for us all.
Then, I think I got into religion a bit more- where it was more about a list of things you should and should not do to be a follower of Jesus. But I got tired of that real fast, so I ran away from Jesus entirely. I didn’t want anything to do with Christians. But then somehow, He brought me back to himself. God brought me back to why I first wanted to follow him. He brought me to a place of awe.
In a way this happened to me again on the race. About half way through the year, I began questioning why I was doing this whole thing. I began to have big faith questions. Why I even believed in God, if the bible was at all true, why God would allow people to go to hell, etc. It was question after question…and it began to really shake me up. I stopped prayer journaling, stopped reading the bible- because I questioned why I was even doing it. I thought maybe I was doing all these things just because of the missions/Christian culture I was in. My doubts and my questions were crushing my once-so-unshakable faith. It was not the best couple of months.
But, one of the most impactful experiences of spiritual growth I’ve ever had came out of that season. Following my season of doubt, God turned something destructive (my constant doubting) into peace. He turned my questions to awe and wonder.
I realized then that not having all the answers is okay. In fact, its how He created us to be! His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. His ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:8). So I will never be able to answer every question about God- and that’s okay! Because the God I know is so much bigger and more complex and crazy beautiful than my teeny little human brain will ever be able to comprehend. – And that is what makes me so in awe of Him.
How cool is it that we have a God who is above our comprehension? Who’s ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours! I think as Christians so often we get caught up in the little things, the little questions, when God simply wants us to just be in awe of Him! He wants our hearts to be filled with wonder!
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You know when you start reading a book and you think you may have actually written it yourself because the author so perfectly captures what you’re feeling? Well that’s me and good ol’ Donald Miller lately….my boy! He writes in Blue Like Jazz:
“All the wonder of God happens right above our arithmetic and formulas. The more I climb outside my simple answers, the more invigorating the view, the more my heart enters worship”.
Preach it, Donald! When I get outside of my head, and focus on how full of wonder God is, how big and incredible He is- this is when I feel God. God- who is outside of all logic I try to put him into. And that (as Donald says) is when my heart enters worship; that’s when I become so in awe of Him.
I want to live my life in wonder, in awe, of this boundless, incredible God.
I am in awe of Him who put billions of humans on this earth, yet can communicate with us all simultaneously. I am in awe of Him who orchestrates gorgeous sunsets over Rwandan hills. I am in awe of Him who made oceans and stars and sharks and trees.
I have so many questions, so many wonders about God and the Christian faith. But that’s the beauty of it, I think. That’s worship. To be all consumed and overwhelmed and amazed by something, someone who literally IS love. Who is even bigger than all I understand Him to be.
I’ve realized that I’d rather worship a God I don’t fully understand -because his ways are so amazing and complex, than one I can easily understand every little thing about. I have found that the mystery of God and of Christian spirituality and the wonder of it all, the wonder of God, has made me fall deeper in awe of who He is.
It’s pretty cool how God can take something in your life that was destructive, and turn it into a way to see and know him more fully. He is so good!
May we never lose our wonder.
