I like to feel needed, I think most of us do. I like to know that I have a purpose, a plan, a position. Sometimes in the transition times, the lack of direction times, I feel low because I lose that needed feeling, that I am important to others. But you know what is even better than be needed? Being wanted. Being wanted doesn’t change based on what you offer, it just is.
That’s what I actually crave, being wanted. Sometimes I put way too much on my own shoulders, just so I can feel important to others. I try and force myself to be needed because that is better than nothing at all. The problem with only being needed, is that once a need is filled, my purpose is filled. I then strive to find the next way I can help, the next void I can fill, so I can be needed again. So I can feel appreciate again.
What if I trusted that others wanted me, and didn't just need me? What kind of freedom and confidence could I walk in? How secure would I feel? I don't often. I'm good at certain things, so I feel needed in those areas. I don't try new things, because I won't be good at them. Trying new things or doing things that I'm not good at will risk failure. Failure will mean that I'm not needed in that area. But what if I was just wanted, not because of what I can offer, but just because of who I am? Not because I'm good at talking to people, or that I can offer wisdom into situations, but because my very presence was enjoyable? It's almost absurd in my mind. No one is falling apart? No one needs wisdom? I doubt they will want to hang out, just to hang out. Just to sit and talk, because they care and not because of what I have to offer. I make the problem worse when I put myself into this position, when I try and force myself to be needed, because that is better than nothing at all.
I am quick to help others when they are hurting, either physically, mentally or spiritually. I do this out of my nature, this is part of how I am wired and I honestly love doing this. But, there is usually a little part of me the is crying out, “Oh I am here for this person now, so they will be there for me later. I am here helping this person in their sickness, and so of course they will help me during mine.” When it doesn’t happen, I’m crushed. The people whose love I don’t have to question, the ones that stick it out through thick and thin, be there for me as much as I am there for them, pursue me as much as I pursue them even if I'm not giving them something, are few.
What if God needed us? Well one, if He needed anything, He wouldn’t be God. If he lacked in anyway, he wouldn’t be divine. He is perfect, in every way. Holy and divine. Beautiful and true, and he doesn’t need me. But, he wanted me. There is no other explanation for why I am here in the first place. Why humans? He wanted us. He wanted a family, he wanted others to have an awareness of who He is, because He is just that beautiful. He wanted me. Then when we were separated, He wanted me so badly that He decided to die for me. He decided to reconcile me with His blood. He wants me.
Do I need God, or do I want God? Both. I absolutely need God. But is that my only motivation? Is what I can get from Him, His gifts and healing, is that my primary reason for pursuing a relationship with Him? Or, do I want Him? There is a huge difference. To want Him, is to want to spend time with Him even if I don’t get anything out of it. It is knowing that simply being in the same room with Him is enough to bring joy. Desire Him for who he is, for His presence and not only what He can do for me. That is a true relationship.
That is what I want, why wouldn’t God want that as well? I am made in His image after all. Could this longing to be wanted, and not just needed, be a picture of the Father’s desire for me? Is He looking at all the people he helps daily, because that is His nature, and actually wanting them to want Him back? Does He continue to give, of course. He gives and gives, grace upon grace, undeserved favor and love. But what are His desires? Do we even care? Do I even care? Or am I more caught up in all my needs and how he can fix them.
I will be there for you if you need me, anytime of the day.
So will God.
I desire to be wanted even if I don’t have something you need.
I believe God does too.
So I’ve identified a big problem within me, I don’t feel wanted as much as I feel needed. The good news is, God wants to be wanted too. We can identify, and He can help me work through this. The better news, He wants me. There are others that want me no matter what too, and I need that truth to sink in further. I also need to take this new found realization of the Father’s desire to be desired, and run with it. It’s like discovering someone you like’s love language. You are filled with joy because you figured out a way to love them better. So I’m setting out to love God like I want to be loved.
