“The sea starts raging, I’m quickly fading as I take my eyes off you. Reality kicks in, fear rises within my soul and all of my faith is gone.”
– Sarah Reeves
Sometimes, I can so relate to Peter. I can relate to his issues with fear of man, well fear in general, and I long to be the person he became in Acts. Far too often though, I seem to be stuck in the early version of Peter instead of moving forward to the Jesus talking, Holy spirit moving version of Peter.
I have felt like the early version of Peter a few times with this World Race journey. (Read Matthew 14: 22-33 if you need to know what I am talking about)
“Is that you Jesus? If it is You, tell me to follow you”
“It is Me, come follow.”
And so I did.
It’s not the heading out I have problems with, because my eyes are still fixed on Jesus. I long to follow Jesus wherever He leads me, because I love Him! I want to be brave and head out even if it’s into impossible situations. My problem isn’t the getting out of the boat. Like Peter, I get distracted by fear once I am out of the boat, in the thick of things if you will.
Fear is the opposite of faith, fear is something I have known often in my life. As a little girl, I knew what fear felt like. I knew what panic attacks felt like, the kind where you can’t even cry because you can’t breath. The feelings of being alone and rejected because fear of what others think has consumed my thoughts. But in the midst of the fear storm of my young life, I also learned the power of the word of God over fear. My mom taught me to quote 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind”, in the middle of my worst moments of fear.
I used this verse a lot growing up, I relied on it to remind me that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). This reminder got me through a lot, it helped me know Jesus in a more powerful way as a young person.
Even though I don’t deal with the heavy fear attacks like I used to, there are still moments when I sink back down into that raging sea of fear and doubt. One of those days was just a week or so ago. As I was laying in bed, I started being bombarded with the worries of the spending a year away from friends and family. “What if I’m not liked by my teammates? What if ministry isn’t anything like what I am hoping it to be? What if a year away is too much for me to handle? What if I miss my family and friends too much? What if I’m not as strong as I think I am?” Oh the worries and fear starting rising, I had completely turned my eyes off of Jesus in that moment.
I had forgotten that He was the one that was calling me out here. But all that stopped when I felt a rush of remembrance, the story of Peter and how he began to sink when he lost sight of Jesus and started focusing on the waves and wind instead. But the BEST part of the story, is when Jesus reached His hand out and pulled Peter back up, and that’s what I felt like He did to me last week. In bed, on the edge of tears, I felt him pull me back up to Himself with the reminder that His hand is enough for me to hold onto and be safe.
He has called me onto this sea called the World Race, there is so much unknown in it. But, I am choosing to not focus on all that I can’t control and instead fix my eyes on Him.
I wonder what kind of an adventure Peter would have had with Jesus if He had kept his focus on Him? Just a thought of course. I kind of what to find out for myself what lies in store for those who choose to leave fear behind, hold His hand and head out all the way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G_Z7_D3Pc0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G_Z7_D3Pc0
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*Fundraising Update*
I am very very close to being 50% funded!!! This is amazing! It is all thanks to God my provider first of all, and secondly to all you of who have listened and given as the Lord has lead. I can’t say thank you enough!
